Essay 21. Drawing and Cancer: And the Metaphysics of It all.
My Drawings and My Cancer in the years 2021 - 2022.
The Years of Drawing and My Stage 4 Cancer.
And My Multi-Dimensional Consciousness.
Oh No! You may ask. Not George.
By: Mr. George D. Patnoe!
As many of my dear reader may know, I drew a ‘drawing’ a day during the whole year of 2021. I did not do any writing whatsoever. As I was drawing each drawing, I was using different parts of my brain which I have never used before with such high intensity. It was a great brain and mental experience which I have continued to do during the year 2022. But without the goal of drawing a piece of artwork each day, if that is what you would call it because I was not drawing with a pencil after the first three months, but with ink, markers, and other stuff too. I had a transformation of my brain and mind. The human species needs a huge transformation within its individual human brain and the collective human mind too.
I learned later on in the year 2021 that the reason my brain had gone through a transformation was because when a normal human brain draws a picture or drawing like a nude human body, or a tree, a car, or a landscape, the human brain already knows what a nude human body, a tree, a car, or a landscape looks like so when the human brain draws those images, both as a subjective image and an objective image, it already knows what it is drawing. In other words, it is very easy in a manner of speaking, depending on the skill level of the artist.
That is what I started drawing in the year 2021 with pencils just for the fun of it in the beginning of the year 2021. But about three months into my one drawing a day project, new images started to evolve within inside my mind into a new and completely different patterns of the abstract cross with the mandala image on top of the cross or a + because I could draw an actual cross with a long bottom on the paper, with another pattern or image behind the cross or +. I could have drawn an actual cross if I had bigger paper or a shorter cross pattern.
The problem I learned by my searches on Goggle was that when the human brain tries to draw logical abstract drawings with color, it is using different areas of the human brain on a deeper level, both logical and creative, etc. That, with combined usage of using colors in a very logical and creative patterns which make sense, not like some of those crazy abstract drawings with colors that some artists believe that they are creating an abstract piece of artwork when in fact they are just making a mess with shapes and colors. Have you ever noticed that some artists are lazy?
But during the year 2021, my biological body was having a transformation too. My body was going through a transformation between the battle of different blood cells, both red and white which is called cancer, one of the various types of cancer, or CLL. I am not going to write about that because it would be much to write about. After all, I am not an expert on cancer and blood cells and all that stuff. I do not know much about it, but what I did know was that my body was changing, and one part was really in trouble even though I did not know what kind of trouble it was in at that moment.
I had that condition for a very long time, years in fact, probably decades, but it was stable condition. It was plainly understood my me as told to me by my doctor that when the condition of blood cells become 'unstable,' the condition could and probably would become deadly worse, very fast, more quickly. As I laid in bed one night, I felt the changing something or other, bones or blood, and more, changing within in my biological body. I knew, or the biological body that seems to be me, was dying, a faster death, a faster dying, a faster death. I knew and felt other things were wrong too. How correct I was! I sat up and I looked at my legs and I said out loud, “Wow, something is clearly wrong, and I think that I am dying. Oh boy!”
The result was that while I was drawing a drawing a day in the year 2021, I also had stage 4 cancer, although I did not really know it was that far along to that stage 4. Then in the year 2022, I really noticed that something was wrong in my biological body, and that was when I had a called to one of my doctors who knew for many years knew that my white blood count could was very high, but I was not really concerned about it because I am who I am, both as a biological body and as a spiritual body if you will, a spiritual consciousness And intelligence too!
So, I took a few trips to get extensive blood tests, a pet scan, and a ct scan. Oh boy! What fun that was, but no, it was really boring. But that real fun started when I left those tests and then I had a visit to another doctor who plainly stated to me, “You have stage 4 cancer. Which means it has expanded to other parts of the body.” I really wanted to laugh at her, and say, “Oh no. I do not have stage 4 on my body because stage 4 cancer is a state of nothingness, you know from a higher state of reality and consciousness” But I was thinking about my spiritual body, not my biological body. I decided to take the situation very seriously instead of being a jerk.
You must understand my dear readers, even though cancer is a mortal mental dream world of nothingness on my body, I still have to deal with it on different levels of consciousness, along with the level of my biological body too. Before I arrived at the oncologist doctor’s office, the question was not if it was bad, but was it bad or really bad. I was ready for anything, for any response from the doctor, the oncologist. I think the doctor and her assistants were ready for me to break down and cry and wail and swear about how could I or it, the great George’s biological body was dealing with cancer. I smiled and tried to crack a few jokes instead.
I walked out of the doctor’s building door and for about 15 seconds, it overwhelmed me, mentally. Then I caught myself very quickly and I said out loud, “You fool. Cancer does not exist in reality, so do not be worried about it. And that was my words to everyone in my family, friends, brothers and sisters. “Do not worry about it. Everything will be fine.” Even if I die, I will be ok. Why? Because death is a mortal dream too. Be that as it may, I am not ready to die yet, anyway. There is still too much to do by me as a seemingly human being.
Of course, I knew everything was going to be fine on a human level because the doctor looked me in the eyes and she said, “We have new pills that have been tested for over two or three years and they work really well. You should be healed of this cancer in a year, maybe less, maybe more.” I had heard about these brand-new pills on the market and now I was going to take them. Of course, the pills are chemo-therapy pills, which I have to take twice a day for a year, more or less. The pills are called Calquence, which of course comes with side effects.
As I was driving down the road, I have to admit, I was still a bit overwhelmed because I had already felt my biological body changing in a very negative and dangerously deadly manner. What should I do? Go home and sit and possibly moan? Or do something else? So, I walked into a mall but still, the whole dream world of space and time, of dealing with a biological body with cancer would still be in my mind. I wanted to escape really bad and I knew of one way I could escape which was by going to a movie.
Going to watch inside a movie theater was better than having a beer especially when driving a car or truck or motorcycle. Never drink and drive, as the saying goes. I decided to watch a movie titled, ‘Death on the Nile.’ So many colorful scenes. I will not give away the movie away, even though the movie has been made before in different ages because the novel is really good, I guess. I do not usually read mystery and crime novels. It was a very colorful movie which was good for my colorful artist brain.
Like many movies, there was one scene when dead human bodies were being removed in white sheets. They had been killed in various ways. They were dead. They did not want to be dead. They died either by a gun’s bullet or by poison or some other way. The point is that I was still lucky to be alive even though by biological body was indeed dying at very fast death pace. I was not instantly killed. I was not instantly dead. I was still alive long enough to eat another hamburger or have a beer or draw another drawing or watch another movie or read another book or whatever I wanted or needed to do, without committing a crime. A lot of people commit crimes and then they die. They should not be that way.
One of the side effects was being was being completely overwhelmed with fatigue, to the point of being semi-dead without actually being dead, because the cancer pills or Calquence, are not only very strong, but those chemicals are specifically made to attack very specific the cancer cells that were being destroyed during the first week faster than you could believe. So, for a week, I became possibly the weakest human being on earth because the cancer pills were destroying the cancer cells and the fight within my biological body was on for at least a week, but actually for a lot longer. ‘Let it happen.’ I told myself. Let the cancer pills do their dirty work while my mind and thoughts went to a higher level of consciousness and states of existence.
In the darkness of my room and within the darkness of my mind, during the day and night, my thoughts and mind went on a ride upward to the truth of my real spiritual existence. For instance, I told myself that my human eyes can never see reality as reality is because what appears on the human plane of existence is a very limited physical and mental states of existence. That is common sense and widely known by billions of human beings, or at least it should be by now.
Therefore, everything I was experiencing was a lie, a delusion, a dream world, not the truth of being, if you will. I started to realize that my body was really a mortal thought dream world; a dream world of human birth and death and everything in between, with skin, bones, and blood.
But more importantly, the cancer was also a mental and physical dream world that I had to deal with because I am still dealing with a skin and bone and blood biological body, just like all of my dear readers are dealing with while you live on planet earth. I would have laughed within my mind, except it was a very serious situation I was in, ‘You fool I told myself.’ Of course, cancer is not real, because God never made it or created it, on a spiritual or even on the biological levels and states of existence. If God did not create it, what did the Divine Mind or Intelligence create as my true identity as me as on a higher and spiritual level of existence, which of course would be translated to my biological body state of existence.
As I laid in bed with my body being transformed by cancer chemo-pills, and with my eyes closed, and my brain in complete dankness because of the cancer pills, I could only go to one place I needed the most, into the truth of being as a metaphysical and spiritually state of existence. That was especially true since by biological body was dying and healing at the same time. This mental treatment may be completely new to most or all of my dear readers, but I am going to give one example of a mental treatment I gave myself, meaning for you too.
This mental treatment is based on the definition of God in the book titled, ‘Science and Health.’ by Mary Baker Eddy. She does not give an example of this mental treatment, but other thinkers discovered this mental treatment which any human being can do if they learn how to do it. I am going to make it really simple for this essay. Here it goes.
God, the divine Mind only sees me as an idea of the infinite intelligence, not as a biological brain waves that can not see reality as reality is, so therefore my true state of intelligence does not see or know anything about cancer on a biological body, even if my human brain says you yes you do.
God, the divine Spirit only sees me as an idea of pure spiritual reality, not as a matter creation of sperm and an egg, or any materially mental or biological concept of the material concept of a material creation which started at the Big Bang, and which continued up to the point of me writing these words. God Spirit does not see a material concept of cancer.
God, the divine Soul only sees me as an idea of an unchangeable identity which is a sinless and immortal idea within the realm of spiritual and immortal existence. That means that any human sense of identity of being a sinful mortal from the time I was humanly born to the day I humanly die is a lie, a delusion of a biological existence. Moreover, my true unchangeable state of identity cannot be touched by a human state of cancer. God has no part in cancer and cancer has no part in God, Soul.
God, the divine Principle only sees me as an idea of impersonal divine image of the infinite one and not as a limited tiny little human I or ego which has a seemingly deadly state called cancer.
God, the divine Life only sees me as an idea of Life and life, an eternal state of being and existence which never had a beginning, middle, and an end, or death. Therefore, my true state of existence is not living on a planet earth or in a state of space and time either. My true state of being is already at one with God, believe it or not. It is not at one with a human state called cancer.
God, the divine Truth only sees me as an idea of Truth, or the divine state of Life which is conscious of itself as a whole at every moment within and without the realm of space and time according to the human sense of space and time. Since God or Truth is conscious of itself as a whole, it has to be conscious of me as part of its own infinite consciousness as a perfect state of existence which as no consciousness of cancer.
God, the divine Love only sees me as a spiritual state of perfection, or a perfect state of existence instead of an imperfect state of human existence called cancer. God, divine infinite Love, most definitely cannot create or see a state called cancer, therefore cancer is a state of nothingness both in the divine realm, and also within the human mind, even if it appears on the human body because of all of the mental suggestions that every human being is told that they must get in their lives at one time or another. God, divine Love wipes out all fear within the human mind, even if the human mind and body must deal with every negative and deadly state of existence while living within the human and biological states of life and death. God, Life, does not create a biological or mental state called death.
Lay in bed, curling up in layers of blankets because it was winter, I tired to keep my human biological body warm while the chemo-pills were doing the job after decades of medical and cancer research within the human state of existence. Some reader may question this train of thinking, logical thinking, but please continue with me for a few more words.
If there is an Infinite state of Intelligence called God which is independent of the human sense of space and time and also completely independent of the cosmic sense of space and time, then it has to be true that this Infinite state of Intelligence called God is completely in the spot or place where you are reading these words. It cannot be any other way, if even human religious people believe otherwise.
That means that this Infinite state of Intelligence called God is completely within the reach of your human mind and biological too because it cannot only translate itself to every state of human mind that is open to its intelligent realm of existence, but it has the infinite power to force and open the human mind to do the research and to discover new solutions for all human problems, including the humanly overcoming of cancer in all of its forms too. That includes all forms of sickness.
Can the individual and collective human species be forced to overcome its animalistic to destroy itself by an Infinite Intelligence called God? Should not the human species be mentally able to destroy not only cancer, but other forms of evil like hate, greed, abnormal sexual practices, believing that any form of deadly fighting is good? Would not the God describe above want the human species to mentally wake up from its mortal and ignorant dream worlds of both mentally and biological self-destruction?
Should there not be a state of heaven of earth and on earth instead of state of hate, war, people going crazy in the various ways human beings go crazy; crazy for money, for sex, for drugs, for fighting, for power, for greed, for new car to impress other people, etc; all the while ignoring their own children’s education and the next generation of human beings instead of being on the edge of the human self-destruction which could happen any minute, believe it or not!
It has only been three bottles of chemo-pills and my white blood count is down form over 300,000 to 180,000. One day, I hope that my white blood count will be normal, 7000. I do not know what I will feel like when that happens. But I do know one thing in my mind, I hope I do not live long enough to see and experience the self-destruction of the human species because it that is very possible, believe it or not. Still, the human species has a lot of good in it. The human species needs to get rid of the bad, both the urge to go to war, and cancer too.
