Essay 5 - 2024. My Personal Battle with Stage 4 Cancer or CLL. Or The Battle with Life and Death. Another Metaphysical Life Experience for Me. Is Dying and Death Like the Weather? When is it going to rain? When are you going to die? Me, I Don’t Worry About the Rain, nor the Time of My Death! By: Mr. George D. Patnoe. January 31, 2024

Essay 5 - 2024. My Personal Battle with Stage 4 Cancer or CLL.

Or The Battle with Life and Death.

Another Metaphysical Life Experience for Me.

Is Dying and Death Like the Weather?

When is it going to rain? When are you going to die?

Me, I Don’t Worry About the Rain, nor the Time of My Death!

By: Mr. George D. Patnoe.

January 31, 2024

The time of death, of your death. Have you thought about the moment of your death? I have thought about the time, place, when, and how of my death more than once or twice ever since I was a young boy. But then again, the real spiritual me cannot die. It took decades for me to figure it out, that my true spiritual selfhood is truly immortal, but I knew it when I was young. Yet, the battle between life and death continues to this day, for me and you, my dear reader.

Have you ever thought about it? Your time of death, the moment when you will stop breathing? The when, the where, the how, of your own personal human death. Or are you so wrapped up in your tiny personal human life that you think only about your personal boxed body mentality of your human life and existence that you are never going to die? It is never too late to prepare for what is coming down the road of life and death.

Maybe you are one of those people who thinks that this life is so real that you are not even aware that one day you will die? Be gone. Exited. Free? Maybe, most people do not worry about their own individual personal death. They do not think about it at all. Ok. If not now, then one day you will be forced to think about it. Or maybe you will not about it then, either.

I was looking at the Weather Channel to find out when it was going to rain here in my state where it hardly ever rains. But it is wintertime in California. As the 1960s song goes, “It never rains in Southern California, but when it does, it pours.” On the East Coast, the rain can last a long time, but it usually does not rain like it does in California. In California, the rain can pour like buckets out of the sky. On the East Coast, it just rains steadily for long periods of time, sometimes. I really loved the New York rain.

When people are dying from cancer, it is like the song, “When it rains cancer inside your body, it just pours deadly cancer cells inside your body, until you either get cured or you die.”

The truth is that a lot of people are dead before they are actually biologically dead because they are spiritually dead, which is the worst type of death there is for anyone. Why don’t people think about the deep issues of life and death before it is too late? I think that is what has saved so many times from the death of my biological human body, unlike mere mortals that come and go from Earth.

There might be a song out there goes like this. “When am I going to die because I really want to know before I actually die.” When am I going to die because I want to live as long as I can and be as bold as I can be before I stop breathing.

Breathing is an experience that cancer patients learn to appreciate way more than most people, I am guessing. Cancer patients learn to love breathing, probably because they are so tired that breathing is the only thing they can do without effort. Hum. That is probably a bullshit statement. Breathing does take effect so close to death.

Sometimes, I could hear my own breathing as I laid in bed while the chemo-pills were fighting the cancer cells. In the beginning, I could barely move my skin and bones and blood biological body. The only thing I could move is my breathing, in and out. In and out. In and out. In and out. Forever? But not forever, of course. When is my last breath going to take place? Hum!

There are many problems with wishful thinking about dying and death. First of all, nobody really knows when the exact moment of their death is going to be, even if they see it coming, or if they have a rough idea of when and where they are going to die. Maybe it does not matter at all.

The human experience is filled with so many deadly situations, like driving your car or truck alone on a busy or lonely highway. Anyone can be killed in a car or truck accident, or in an airplane accident, etc.

Therefore, death can arrive at any time on a highway or street anywhere in the world. That is a very fast death versus a cancer death, a slow death, compared to a fast death, which might be better. How about death by the weather? How many people die from the weather? I personally came close to dying by the weather which is good for me.

Cancer death is a very slow death for most cancer-inflicted people; I am guessing. In any type of cancer, the patient knows they are dying, and that death is closer than breathing. They know that a future death could be quickly approaching, faster than expected in any case. They are aware of their own dying process, which in a way is a gift, compared to being smashed into and killed into death by a drunk driver. But as every cancer patient knows, dying from chemo treatment is hell on earth, even if the chemo is trying to keep you alive a bit longer. Some people would rather be dead.

When a person is slowly dying from stage 4 cancer, even if a patient is taking any type of chemotherapy, it is always there, in the back of their minds, that death is closer than it might have ever been for most people.

Death is there, as a subconscious state of consciousness, like the subconscious awareness that we are all breathing air until the air is being sucked out of the lungs by a knife stabbing in your lungs, or by a pair of hands wrapped around your neck, or if you decide to hang yourself. Or if someone hangs you for an unjust reason or cause, like being black in America's south.

In effect, a person who is slowly dying from cancer, they are in a true sense, and in reality, walking death. Their biological body is surely dying, and their minds know that it is dying, which leaves a deep and lasting impression on the brain and mind that death is waiting, standing over you, like the angel of death. So, as if you were in shock after you were kidnapped and you knew that were going to die anyway after the money was paid for your release to the kidnappers.

When a person is dying from cancer, and if they are taking any type of chemotherapy, they are in a sense a walking zombie, or at least I was at the beginning of my cancer treatment. But I was taking other drugs too, (More on that later.) Which did not help my zombie-like bodily and mental state of existence. The outside, external world from your mind and body becomes a non-existent entity because your zombie-like state of existence is simply breathing, over and over again until you can go to sleep and forget your dying state of existence.

Sometimes, I giggled at the suggestion that I was lying in bed pretending that I was going to die. After all, it wasn’t my first time dealing with dying and death and then overcoming dying and death. But I had overcome dying and death a long time ago in my mind, my consciousness.

Being so sick and tired every second of the day for days on end feeling like I was already dead, especially since I could do almost nothing whatsoever. No more boldness for those moments. Boldness is out of the question when you are dying from anything. Except to jump off a bridge and kill yourself, which was not an option for me even though I live close to some bridges with river currents so strong that you would die just from being dragged underneath the water.

But what would you do if you knew the exact day and time of your own personal death, just like what are you going to do when you know it is going to rain? I can state on important fact, as least for me, waiting to die is not like waiting for the rain to end. Waiting for the rain to stop raining is most definitely not like waiting to die from anything at all.

Rain produces life on Earth. Cancer produces death on earth. There are so many ways to die, to enter the death state of existence, so treasure your human life because one day it will be over, sometimes sooner than later, sometimes unexpectedly, like if a Mac truck is speeding out of control and it drives over your tiny nothing car, killing you in the blink of an eye blink. You would not even know you were dead because it would happen so fast. Dead like a dead fly on the wall.

We all want to know when the weather is changing or when it is going to rain because we all want and need to dress accordingly, act accordingly, and make decisions accordingly. Now that I think about it, what was I going to wear on my deathbed? Pjs. A suit with a tie. How about being completely nude. How wearing body paint with all sorts of colors, just for the fun of it.

We all know what Jesus wore when he was dying and when he was on the cross. A piece of cloth around his mid-section. He had more problems to worry about I suppose. Like dying and then returning back to life to prove to some humans that death was a mortal illusion, believe it or not.

I have wondered, ‘Would I do if I truly knew when I was going to die?” Actually, I don’t know what I would do if I had enough time to think about it, but I might have some options, probably like a lot of you if you actually knew the exact moment you were going to die for any reason whatsoever. I would wait for the next stage of my consciousness to transform itself from a biological body to some other type of body for the afterlife.

Some people would want to have sex the moment they are dying, but that is impossible for a person with stage 4 cancer. Thinking about sex while you are dying from stage 4 cancer is like hoping to win the lotto while you are dying from stage 4 cancer.

There is only one thing people want when they are dying from stage 4 cancer, and that is to live another day or to just die and get it over with because they cannot take the suffering anymore. Anyway, you cannot have sex when your biological body is barely operating anymore, so don’t plan on having sex before you die if you are dying from stage 4 cancer, when your body is a ruin of rusted body parts.

Some people might smoke a joint or drink a beer or eat their favorite food. Some people might want to die in an airplane while they are looking out the window to view the whole landscape wherever they might die by jumping out of a perfectly good airplane and pretending to fly like a dying bird in the sky. Sometimes, I think jumping out of a flying airplane would be a fun way to die, flying like a bird ready to die, hopefully actually being dead before hitting the ground.

Before I was officially dealing with stage 4 CLL cancer, when I was sitting in my chair on the front porch of my house, with a cup of coffee in my hand, I would look up at the sky and ponder the wonderment of life on earth, like what would it be like to fly like a bird in the sky, so free and unbounded by the gravity of the mass of earth.

I would also ponder how is it that I was still alive after so many close calls with my own personal human death. Do my dear readers know how many times I was told that I should be dead by a medical professional surgeon? I bet many of you have had your own close calls with your own personal death.

After the threat of death was gone, sitting in the same chair on the same porch was a completely different mental and psychological experience. During the dying process, when I sat in that chair on the front porch, I would look up at the night sky and wonder to myself, if the afterlife is not there, where is it? Plus, other stuff too. But really, where is the afterlife if it is not here on earth? A truly amazing question, especially for believers of the afterlife.

So now when I look up at the sky either in the daylight or during the night sky, I ponder the same questions, but I really treasure every moment, every second, with a new sense of awareness that one day, sometime in the future, I too, will leave planet earth.

But no, I have already left planet Earth in various ways, believe it or not. You see my dear readers, when you live in a multi-dimensional state of consciousness like me, and not in a one-dimensional state of biological consciousness, you can experience a lot of different stuff that the one-dimensional people know nothing about, experience until they change the structure of their one-dimensional state of biological consciousness.

A lot of humans believe that they will turn into a state of nothingness when they die. But I know that I will not be entering a state of nothingness because I know that this thing called a biological body is not the true me, and that since I have experienced different states of consciousness already, my consciousness will either travel onward into other dimensions, or it will simply exist as a total, complete, spiritual consciousness, which I have experienced already, at least once.

But I think that people with any type of cancer do not have enough energy, without or with the chemotherapy to wonder about where they are going to go after they die, after they leave this realm of existence. Dying from stage 4 cancer is sometimes a long, slow process that involves simply knowing that your biological body is slowly or quickly being destroyed until it simply stops, like when the rain simply stops on a rainy day. Sometimes, the pouring rain will simply stop, as if there was a rain god that decided to turn off the rain switch somewhere up there in the sky.

Oh again. I actually do know what I was doing when I was dying from stage 4 cancer. I was lying in bed, in the darkness, before I was going to enter the darkness of closing my eyes forever. I was thinking about my breathing in the darkness of the room, within the darkness of the night, within the darkness of my mind. But my consciousness was already traveling up and down the ladders of consciousness. Saying good-bye to this world with so many mean people in it will be easy for me.

I have closed my own human eyes to glare into the darkness, to look into the darkness that exists when the eyes are closed, but unlike you, probably, I have traveled to places you could not believe, after decades of discovering different realms of consciousness. Trust me, there truly are different places to travel to beyond this realm of existence.

I have closed my eyes many times before I go to sleep, like all of you, but at other times I close my eyes. I let my brain’s neurons ramble around until they are happy enough to actually fall into a deep sleep, to enter either a dream world or to enter into another realm of consciousness.

There is a difference you know, or don’t know, when you enter the world of the mind, the dream world, or another realm of consciousness, a consciousness away from the human biological body. I, like most of you, probably, have had night dreams that are sort of crazy, and vivid, which is normal for the normal night sleepy dream world of the human brain. And mind. And consciousness.

Usually, I never asked to go into the other realm of dimensional consciousness. Sometimes, I am simply just there, experiencing supernatural things, that could never be experienced on earth.

But then there is the realm of travel, where the mind goes to other places, to other dimensions that cannot be seen with the human eyes and human brain. I have never seen Earth rain in other dimensional realms that cannot be seen with the human brain and eyes, but I have seen rain in this dimension, on this planet earth.

The rain, the sound of the rain, the products of the rain, bringing life to earth for billions of years for life on earth for the plants, other creatures and to human too. Other realms of existence don’t need rain for life, or for any type of life.

Where was I going to go if I actually died, if my biological body just stopped working? Where are you going to go when you stop breathing? I truly know that most of my readers might think that once they stop breathing, that is the end of them, that they will go into a state of nothingness, that their biological bodies simply become dust, into a state of nothingness, which may or may not be true for you. But your consciousness, my dear readers is something completely different. What is within your consciousness will linger on somewhere.

Oh yea, While I was dying in bed, before and after I discovered that I was dealing with stage 4 CLL cancer, as I remember it, there was a period in between the time I found out that I was had and was dealing with stage 4 CLL cancer and the moment I started taking the CLL cancer pill, Calquence.

Something happened within my mind, a psychological event sort of to speak, within my human hardwired brain or human consciousness. Or was I having a supernatural event? Or I was having a combination of a psychological/mental event, a brain event, and a supernatural event all at once, simultaneously that is!

Something was happening within my consciousness, like a multi-dimensional consciousness event. Of course, I was experiencing many different mental things all at once. My body, my brain, my mind, my consciousness. What a trippy experience.

How can it be otherwise? Can the human brain be separated from the human consciousness, or vice versa? Can a psychological event be separated from a supernatural event, or vice versa? How could the event of dying not be both psychological and supernatural? My biological body was dying, but so was my human hardwired brain too, at least to some degree. But my consciousness was still alive, working overtime to know multi-truths about life and death.

Doesn’t that happen to all humans that are dying? Doesn’t that happen to all dying living creatures that actually feel and know that they are dying? It has to happen because all living creatures know that their end is near when their bodies are being destroyed either from the inside out or from the outside in, like when a tiger is in the mouth of an alligator. Life on earth was fun until you are in the mouth of an alligator dragging you into the water to drown and be eaten alive if you are not dead already.

That guy named Jesus knew his biological body was going to die, like a lot of people, so many people, in different cultures, different periods throughout history, for different reasons. Anyway, remember the story? He died and three days later he returned back to earth with the same biological body that had died on the wood tree or cross.

What did he feel like knowing that his hand and feet were going to be nailed to some wood, after he was beaten to death, whipped to death, bleeding to death, and then he was going to hang on a cross until his death. What did he feel like? I have thought about that often too, with my own broken heart reflecting his broken heart. How about you. Can you imagine being an innocent person being hunted and then hung by nails on a cross or hanged like the black people in America’s south.

Jesus was ready to die because he had changed his human consciousness to a completely divine and spiritual consciousness before he died, so when his biological actually did stop breathing and moving, his consciousness was already transformed into a completely different state of consciousness before he died. Jesus, he did die, he was not even Jesus anymore anyway.

A lot, maybe even most Jesus followers believe that Jesus was God in the flesh, but they do not know anything about being a multi-dimensional consciousness or state of being/existence even while walking on planet Earth.

What the normal followers of all Jesus's religions never state, nor understand, is what type of consciousness Jesus had, before dying, while dying, and in the state called death, then again, afterwards? If at the exact moment that the biological Jesus died, his consciousness was still alive, but it was the spiritual Christ consciousness, not a biological state of consciousness.

I too, have been transformed away from planet Earth so many times that I have lost count. But I truly know that when my biological body actually dies or is wasted away for some reason, I have already risen myself up and out from a biological sense of identity to a complete spiritual identity. These are not only words on a piece of paper. Different states of consciousness are not words, but real states of conscious identities.

In other words, there was an actual moment in my experience of dealing with stage 4 CLL cancer when I was no longer on Earth, in a biological body, or in any type of space and time realm of existence. I was in a complete and totally isolated state of spiritual consciousness, away from this thing called my human body, away from planet Earth, away from any sense of space and time, or life and death. No doubt that the man named Jesus had the same experience and many more different experiences too.

Jesus had the same experience and I know that there have been other people who overcame their mortal, biological identity long before they died. This means that the death of their mortal biological body was long ago dead to them as an absolute identity. If you actually think and believe that your biological body of skin, bones, blood, and organs is your true spiritual, unchangeable identity that is always at one with God, Principle, Life, Truth, and Love, you would be completely wrong. And you would be dead already. But maybe one day before you actually die, you will learn it, sooner than later, that your true spiritual identity is deathless.

And that is a priceless lesson in divine and spiritual metaphysics.

Dance like no one is watching.

Essay 4 - 2024. My Personal Fight with Stage 4 Cancer or CLL. My Introduction with Dying and Death! What About You? By: Mr. George D. Patnoe. January 14, 2024

Essay 4 - 2024. My Personal Fight with Stage 4 Cancer or CLL.

My Introductions with Dying and Death! What About You?

By: Mr. George D. Patnoe.

January 25, 2024

I bet most of you, if not all of you have been introduced to dying and death at some time in your human life. Actually, it is unavoidable, isn’t it? For some children, they get to see dying and death with their own eyes, a pet, cat or dog dies, a fish dies, a grandmother dies, or maybe those kids watch war movies with bullets, blood, guts, and bodies flying all over the place. Then there is all of that gaming, shooting, destroying creatures and buildings, and other stuff. It seems that some children grow up just shooting and killing other living creatures, even if those other fantasy creatures are only in a computer software.

Some of you might have experienced death when you were at a very young age too, meaning you as young children were actually dying somewhere like a hospital or even in your own home. I bet some of those memories haunt some of you badly, while some of you might have experienced dying and death at a later time in your life for the first time, like when you went hunting for deer in the forest, or you saw killing, dying, and death, in a war. A real war of blood, guts, dying, and death. A bit of a shock to your mind, I am guessing.

Then there was that first kill shot in a firefight overseas as a United States Marine. I knew a United States Marine who was a real nerd before he enlisted in the Marine Corps. To make it short, he played games meaning he was a gamer, he was a churchgoer, he even sang in the choir, and he had a clean criminal record, meaning he had no criminal record. Then, overnight, he was enlisted in the United States Marine Corps, doing pushups for the very first time, which led to his first kill shot through a wall, killing someone who was trying to kill him by shooting bullets through a wall in a building.

This Marine was in a building, cleaning it out of the violent enemies. He was walking down the hallway when out of nowhere, bullets were flying through the wall, headed his way, when he had just enough time to point his rifle at the wall to start shooting at this target. He then walked around, through a door and he saw what his own bullets had done to a human biological body.

There was blood everywhere, and of course, there was a completely dead human body, never to breathe again. The Marine dropped to his knees, and he sobbed like a baby until he could not sob anymore. Then he spent the next eight years killing other enemies. His words, “After the first kill, it was easy!” But it wasn’t like killing as a gamer. People were trying to kill him, and he was killing other people, until he made his way home to America to tell me his stories.

For me, I was introduced to dying and death at a very young age, then again in middle school, then again in high school, then again while in the university, and then again and again after my university days. I either had my own close calls with dying and death, or I saw other peoples' close calls with dying and death. I had a young, but old mind back then. My dad said I grew up fast, I think because I was ready to kill anyone who wanted to take my human life. When he saw what I could do in a fight as little boy, he was probably in shock, but he kind of gave me his adult permission to defend myself as best as I could in a real street fight.

Believe it or not, I just saw someone die in a rather long Netflex series. For some stupid reason, I actually got choked up for a second or two. It is funny how we connect with the strangest things, isn’t it? Anyway, she was a wife, a mother, a grandmother, an uneducated loser, a drunk, druggie, a sex addict with mental problems. Nobody in the family was going to miss her, but they were all sad that she had died. She was gone from planet earth. She was gone from the Netflix series too.

I will bet that most of you might have had the same exact emotional experience about someone you knew who died. I know I have. Where do I begin? Hum, I ask myself. My mind is now racing with images of those who I have known who died, and those people who I did not know who died. There was one thing I discovered as a little boy. People can be so mean and rotten to other people, so it was very good that I developed a high degree of killing skills at a young age.

Images upon images of dying and death, or just dying, or just dead, that never seem to go away, although they really were not really remembered until I started writing this essay. Isn’t that the way it is in life, because the truth of it is that life goes on for the living. We see someone dying or dead and we start to think about your own human limited morality, or your own human death.

As a very young boy, we would visit my grandma’s house. There were so many people in the house sometimes that us kids needed to sleep on the floor sometimes. On the wall were these oval wooden frames with black and white male portraits inside them. When I asked my aunt who they were, she responded, “Oh Georgie, those are your ‘cousins’ that died in the war.”

I asked myself, “What war?” “What was war?” The questions continued within my young mind. I bet that those soldiers did not even get a funeral. They probably died in the dirt somewhere overseas, in a foreign land where people probably did not like, nor want Americans, in their own lands, and they probably did not like Americans dying in their country either.

I did not know what war was back then as a boy, but I did know that there was something called war. It did not sound like fun to me at all. I knew that involved mass killing, dying, and death, which seemed to be and still is a common experience around the world. I know a lot more about the world now, about how the world works, and how and why the human brain likes to kill other human beings, for the stupidest of reasons. For some people, war is part of life for many people around the world, from the moment they are born, until the moment they did. More dying and death on a mass scale.

As a boy, I did not know that people died in war everyday around the world, mostly males in a lot of countries, but innocent people die too, by the millions. They learn about dying and death sooner than they should since they are part of the human species. But for some goddamn reason, some of which I know now, people kill each other on a planet that has existed with abundant life in one form or another form for hundreds of millions of years, oh, for billions of years, if you consider cellular life forms.

Amazing and insane if you think about it, if you think about it very deeply. After hundreds of millions of years, or longer, like billions of years of life on planet Earth; after the biological brain, and mental evolution of human beings, they are still killing each other either by a single low-life criminal or by a world leader who has no sense of right and wrong; nor a sense of having a guilty conscience. You would think that a biological species with a seemingly higher sense of consciousness and intelligence would not want to kill each other, but that is not the way it is for the moment for the human species.

One other thing that really bothered me when I was a very young boy, was when every time I visited the local Catholic church with my family every Sunday, there was that huge brown bronze 3-D image of a guy’s arms being stretched out with his hands being nailed to a bronze piece of wood and his feet also being nailed to the other piece of bronze wood that was hanging on the front wall for every church goer to see and stare at because it was unavoidable to see. So, I stared and stared always asking the same questions, like, ‘What the heck is this guy all about?’

What was that all about? As I stared at that bronze statue of a middle-aged male hanging by his arms with his hands nailed to wood. It was bronze against a white wall. It stood out from everything in the whole church, except the stained-glass windows, which by the way were so beautiful, so colorful. I imagined the blood dripping from this whipped body, the pain in his brain, another innocent human being killed and murdered by violent bully human beings.

The stained-glass windows told a story, but as a boy, I had no idea what that story was about, nor did I know the story of Mary, Joseph, Jesus, the Cross, and other stuff too. About the Bible in general, you know. I did not even know there was a book titled, “The Bible.” I bet that there are millions of children in America who do not know that there is a book titled ‘The Bible’ either.

But the point about the cross in a church as a little boy was, “Why would anyone be nailed to a piece of wood and what did he do to deserve that slow, painful, and horrible way of dying and death.” Week after week. Month after month. Year after year. Until there came a point in my thinking and pondering brain and life when I did want to know what the heck was a guy doing hanging on a cross, and I got no answers from anyone at all, until later in life.

More importantly, I wondered what he felt like just hanging there like a dead piece of deer meat. What was he thinking when he was all alone on a wooden cross with other people staring at him in real life. I wonder now what do normal people feel like when they are dying? What is happening within their minds when they are dying of old age, of cancer, by a car accident, some sickness or disease, or the instant they have a heart attack, or an overdose of drugs, etc. Or they simply die inside by losing a lover. How about dying from a falling airplane?

To top all that off, when I asked an old man Catholic priest and then a very young Catholic priest the question, “What is God.” They both looked at me like I was asking the wrong question, an impossible question to answer. The old priest answered, “You will learn about that later in life.” He had no idea what I would learn about God, evil, and the human species before not too long afterward, like decades later. I walked away from both of them knowing that that church was not for me. I simply did not want to repeat the same words every week for the next ten thousand years of my existence, here on earth or in any place whatsoever.

I simply walked away from a church that only repeated the same words week after week, month after month, years after years, for a very long time in history, especially without explaining anything about my life or death, or your own living, dying, and deaths. I had guessed as a young boy I would have to wait to get answers about living, dying, and death, and just maybe, an afterlife too. Maybe some of you have your own experiences just like mine, or something like it.

Then there were the WWI movie and WWII movies. I watched war movies when I was a little boy and then I watched them too when I was older. Of course, maybe most people in America watch one war movie at least once in their lives, I am guessing while other people have to live in a war zone everyday of their lives.

What a horrible way to live on such a special planet called earth. A planet that supposedly is the only planet with life on it. Is this what the human species is all about. Killing each other on a planet that is the only planet with life on it? Give me a break!

But none of the war movies looked right. Something was wrong. I was missing something. I did not know what the cause of those wars was. Who made the decisions to send millions of human beings to war to be killed. What was the logic behind it?

I did not know what all the war movies were all about when I was a young boy. I never watched the news, but even if I did watch the news, I did not understand worldly and international events like I do now. Now, I also understand something about the hardwired human brain and soft-wired human consciousness too. Actually, I truly know a lot more than I did as a young boy, and that is the way it should be.

Moreover, back then, the televisions back then, in the old days were not like today’s televisions. Back in the old days seemingly so long ago, but still locked in my memory, the televisions were small boxes with black and white pictures, with antennas sticking out of the top of the televisions. We were lucky to even get a picture at all sometimes. Plus, I think there were only three television stations to watch. ABC. CBS. NBC. The point being is that even the blood was in black and white compared to the red blood on televisions today.

So back then when Bibles were in limited supply, so was the news about the world. The news was very limited, and I was not allowed to watch it anyway, most of the time, when the worldly stuff was on it, like when the real wars, with real dying, and real death were being broadcasted throughout America, and the world.

Back then, I bet the politicians did not want anyone to see the world wars with all of that blood, dying, and death. Now, actual killing, dying, and death are on the news very day in a million different tv channels, on every smartphone, with those images sticking inside your brain and mind like the first time you had sex, or the first time you start a human being walk on the moon. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Do all boys and girls get introduced to dying and death at an early age, all around the world? It seems to me that many young boys and girls get introduced to dying and death from the moment they are born to the moment they die, especially in some of those backward, primitive countries, cultures, and religions that have no respect for human life, for the life that still exists after hundreds of millions of years of life on planet earth.

Isn’t it truly amazing? False religions that pretend to pray to a god somewhere, and they go out and kill other human beings in the name of a god somewhere that doesn’t even exist as those religious kills think it does, as another big human fantasy.

I bet some boys and girls never experience any type of dying and death until they are older, or really older. I sort of envy those people who are lucky enough to live in a very rich and secluded life. Those people are protected from the very dangerous world we all live in, even in America.

My personal introduction has many more introductions to dying and death and I bet many or most of my readers have their personal introductions to dying and death, either locked away somewhere in your subconscious mind, or maybe you remember them every day, or week, or month, or every so often. How do those locked or unlocked memories of dying and death that affect your own mind, your own state of consciousness, and your own view of dying and death? Of life and living too.

Moreover, how do your own locked or unlocked memories create your personal view of life and living, of your own future experiences of dying and death? I bet you never thought about those questions, did you, you living creatures called human beings on planet Earth? Human beings want to hide one of the most important topics that their tiny minds should worry about before death. And that is death itself.

I think that there are some common denominators that govern how the general human species views dying and death. The number one emotion is probably fear, the fear of what is going to happen after each individual, personal human body stops breathing, because every human being knows that one day they will stop breathing, or in other words, the body will stop breathing.

Maybe that is the real first emotion some people learn to have when they are young or old. The fear of dying and death, the fear of the unknown, and maybe the fear of a God too. How about the fear of being killed? The fear of being killed or murdered way too early in life. When people get old, meaning their biological bodies cannot take the daily struggle of living because they are just too worn down after being alive for decades on end.

Maybe after reading my next 48 essays, you will not fear dying and death anymore! Let us hope so anyway.

Essay 3 - 2024. My Personal Fight with Stage 4 Cancer or CLL. The Cancer CLL Pill Calquence. One Very Powerful Drug. And for 20,000 to 40,000 US Dollars a Bottle, It Better Be Powerful. By: Mr. George D. Patnoe. January 19, 2024.

Essay 3 - 2024. My Personal Fight with Stage 4 Cancer or CLL.

The Cancer CLL Pill Calquence. One Very Powerful Drug.

And for 20,000 to 40,000 US Dollars a Bottle, It Better Be Powerful.

By: Mr. George D. Patnoe.

January 19, 2024.

Well my dear readers, if you have made it to essay three, or even if you have not made it to essay three, this essay is going to be about one of most powerful and most expensive cancer drugs/pills in the history of cancer research because I am presuming because my oncologist told me that it was the latest and most powerful cancer pill for CLL cancer that has been approved by the FDA.

Just in case none of you do not know what an oncologist is; “Medical oncologists are doctors who diagnose, assess, treat, and manage patients with cancers. Their goal is to provide the best possible outcomes for their cancer patients, whether that's a cure or palliative care.” (From the web.)

That is what they chose as a professional life, which might be one of hardest professions in the world because even though their goal is to help and cure cancer patients, in the end, they know that most, if not all of their cancer patients might suffer horribly to the end of their human lives, or they might just suffer until they are cured of cancer. Or they might help cure cancer patients.

My oncologist has been really great from the beginning. After she had read the five hard copies of blood tests papers from my primary care doctor which I had brought with me, bang, she was on the case helping me with my new adventure with stage 4 cancer, CLL, and with my own battle with life and death. Stage 4 cancer means your biological body is dying from cancer, either slowly or quickly.

When she told me that I was going to be taking the most powerful cancer pill for CLL to date, I did not know how powerful a drug could be on a chemical level. When I received the first brown box with the Calquence in it, I saw the big warning words on the yellow plastic bag that the chemo-pills came in. On the label. Warning. Hazardous Drug. Safety Precautions Required for Handling, Transport, and Disposal. Some scary words, but for good reasons.

I looked inside the bottle. I looked at the pills. I wondered about those chemo-pills, the years, the decades of research and the money that was spent to find the exact chemicals and chemical reactions that led up to this point of me, the biological me that is, not the real spiritual me, that would swallow the first pill in my human life that I actually needed to take to stay alive, biologically alive that is, if I was going to actually live after I took bottles of chemo-pills or days, months, and maybe years.

How many days, months, years, decades of money, research, dedication and devotion of people, scientists, medical and biochemistry research and other fields of scientific and medical research, time and energy, sweat and ‘blood’ of countless numbers of people? I cannot even imagine the answers to those questions. I am not even going to try, or even to look it up on Google. Do you know what you cannot look up on Google, what is it like to be dying, to cross over and return to life. I do! But maybe some of you have had your own personal experiences with dying and death.

I have died and returned to life many times, or least more than most if not all of my readers. Of course, I know that a lot of people have come close to dying and death, and they too, survived for another day of living on planet earth. I wonder how many people were actually changed by the experience of dying, being close to death, and then pulling through to live again.

How many hours of looking through high-power microscopes in a university for a medical degree? How many hours looking through high-power microscopes in research laboratories to look at and see and study the red and white cells, and the chemo-chemicals and cancer cells until the chemo-chemicals won the cellular biological fight for the biological cellular battle of life and death. Are there different realms of existence beside the biological realm of existence? How about the invisible realm termed consciousness? More on that later in other essays.

How many books were read and how many research papers were written to get published for other people to read, study, and pray that someone, some group of people, or even a large corporation would find the treatment, the exact chemical elements and processes that would kill all of the different cancer cells in hundreds of millions or more cancer patients around the world?

Can I give you readers an example of how powerful the CLL cancer pill is compared to other drugs? Before my adventure with dying and death again, I was an exerciser, meaning every day I exercised in one way or another way. Some of those exercises were easy- peasy, other workouts were a real bitch, like climbing a mountain up to three thousand feet and then back down to the car or truck. When I did extra-long workouts like climbing a mountain, I used some other chemicals like coffee and other stuff to help me survive the climb up and the climb down.

Fast forward to the current time period, two years after I started the chemical drug, Calquence.

About 3 months ago, I needed to drive somewhere for about an hour away from my house. So, I had a can of diet Pepsi before I got out of bed, a half of a GNC energy pill, and a cup of K-cup coffee. I was flying like a kite in a manner of speaking. I decided to take a Calquence pill as I was taking a shower in the middle of taking my caffeine mixtures. So about 300 mgs of caffeine later, with a Calquence pill in my biological system, driving down the road about twenty minutes down the road, my eyes were closing, wanting to go to sleep while the car was moving about seventy miles an hour.

Of course, I snapped out of it so I would not crash my car into another car or something else. My point here is that after almost two years of taking the CLL cancer drug Calquence, when my body was used to the drug, when the CLL cancer was mostly gone because I was in remission, the drug Calquence was so powerful, the chemicals are still so powerful that they could almost put me to sleep after 300 mgs of caffeine. It was the first and last time I would take CLL cancer drug before driving a car, bike, motorcycle, fly an airplane.

Now that you know how powerful the drug is after two years of taking it, when the drug was not really destroying cancer cells like it was in the beginning six months, can you imagine how powerful it was the first time I took it, in the beginning of my personal fight and battle with stage 4 cancer?

The drug that was designed to search out and destroy cancer cells that were searching out and destroying and killing my good blood cells and body organs. I have taken a number of different kinds of chemicals throughout my life and all of those drugs were completely nothing compared to the chemicals in the CLL cancer drug Calquence. I would soon enter a period of absolute darkness when the actual fight and battle started to take place between the cancer drug Calquence and the cancer cells that were inside my biological body.

But here is the real question my dear readers. Does life and death exist only on a cellular biological level of existence, or are there other realms of life and existence besides and beyond the biological life that humans and all biological creatures call life? What about life on other planets in other galaxies? What about life as a state of consciousness? In the final analysis, is there not more than one concept of life on planet earth? How about an afterlife where the biological human body may not even exist at all?

Does life exist only on planet earth only as a biological cellular life with human biological bodies and other biological creatures, or can there be other states of existence such as different states of consciousness as states of existence? What about life as a state of consciousness or a state of consciousness as a state of existence? Some thinkers might state that having a consciousness is more important than having a complex human biological body, and a slow, simple minded brain and consciousness.

Before I I had to deal with and handle the claim that I was dying of stage 4 CLL cancer, I had handled the claim of being a single biological life or state of existence, or a single state of biological consciousness before my fight and battle with CLL cancer. I had studied, thought about, wondered, researched, experienced different stages and state of existence that were not purely biological. On the other hand, I had been touched by other levels of existence too.

Some might state I experienced supernatural experiences that actually proved to me that life is more than a single and limited biological state of existence, and as a state of consciousness that would help in my time of dying and death once again.

In other words, I had prepared myself for the mysteries of dying, death, and the afterlife long before my battle and fight with stage 4 cancer. So even though I was not truly ready for the first swallow of a cancer pill down my throat, I was most definitely ready. My guess is that most people do not prepare themselves for dying and death before it is too late.

If you all think about it, are you actually more than your robotic biological human bodies? Are you more importantly different states and stages of human consciousness? All human beings walk around with the basic biological structured human body: bones, blood, organs, skin, etc. with a slight difference in your specific DNA patterns. What makes each human being really special is not that they have a biological body, with a brain. What makes human beings special is what is in their individual state of human consciousness, and a consciousness that is above the biological state of consciousness. Your consciousness is more a state of life and living than your biological body, at least for some human beings.

But no human being walks around planet earth with the exactly the exact human body either, but each human biological body are indeed very similar, so what it the big deal with the biological body anyway, except that the human species needs the biological human body to keep the human species going for generations to come?

What is needed for the current and future survival of the human species is not more biological human bodies per se, as the only needed to keep the human species regenerating, but higher and more advanced states and stages of human consciousness.

But even here, on a humanly, earthly state of existence, there are so many different states of consciousness within the human hardwired human brain and mind for either good or evil purposes, for survival of the human species, or the destruction of the human species. We are all conscious of our human biological bodies. Aren’t we? Otherwise, we would not be here, as human beings and as a human species at all. But we are so much more than a biological body.

That being stated, I surely did not want my personal human biological body to stop working just ye. But that being stated, I had already left my human biological body in a number of different ways.

So, for now, back to the beginning to dealing with stage 4 CLL cancer. I kind of knew I was going to survive my dying biological body’s death because my oncologist made it clear that I would live probably live through the experience, although it was not going to be fun. In her eyes, in a soft, calm voice, she stared into my eyes almost as if she going to tell me a very dark secret that she was holding back from telling me. She stated, “For the first month or two at least, you better be ready for the biggest battle of your human biological life.” (Paraphrased.)

I almost laughed at her concern, but I did take it very seriously indeed. It was not a joke. And I had to mentally and spiritually prepare my brain and mind, along with the human biological body for a battle and fight between the CLL cancer cells, and the most powerful cancer drug for CLL cancer. When you jump off a high bridge to splash into the river below, you know you will probably survive, but there is a chance you won’t survive.

I actually almost questioned her words because when you know your biological body is completely being destroy from the inside out, words kind of do not matter anymore. But I had hoped that her words were being truthful, not just wishful thinking. I had some very powerful words myself for the condition I was in, like that this was a complete dream world from which I have to awaken from as soon as possible.

But still, I knew that the biological body needed chemicals to keep it alive, dream world or no dream world.

But she did tell me that it would be at least a year and a half to two years if I was lucky. But it also might be a life-long battle at this point in my human life. Hum! Another period of my life dealing with not only another deadly situation, the morality of my skin, bone, blood, organ biological body, but another period of proving what I knew of God, evil, metaphysics, and of course, higher states of consciousness too.

Here I go again, I thought to myself. Playing with what the human mind calls dying and death. It was not the first time, nor will it be my last time of dealing with dying and death. How about you my dear readers? How many of my readers have had a close call or closer call with dying, death, or something like it? Did it change you at all? Or are all of you the exact same human beings as you were before you own personal experience of dying and death?

Personally, for me, every experience I had with dying and death changed me forever!

Essay 2 - 2024. My Personal Fight with Stage 4 Cancer or CLL. What is It Like to Know You are Truly Dying? By: Mr. George D. Patnoe. January 12, 2024

Essay 2 - 2024. My Personal Fight with Stage 4 Cancer or CLL.

What is It Like to Know You are Truly Dying?

By: Mr. George D. Patnoe.

January 12, 2024

Soon, my real fight with stage 4 cancer was soon to begin.

But before that process was to begin, I realized even before I visited the oncologist’s office that I was dying. It seems pretty self-evident to me even though I am far from being an expert on any type of cancer whatsoever. Although, I have been told about own human mother’s fight with her own battle with CLL cancer during her lifetime, into an old age that did not have the cancer research, nor the cancer drug that has been such a huge help to me staying alive.

But truth be told, I had my first chemotherapy by needle around the year 2015. As the nurse put the needle with the four other needles into the main needle, I looked at my watch’s second hand. One, two, three, four, up to 20 seconds. I said out loud, “Oh shit.” The nurse said, “You are super sensitive.” Then, it was lights out for my mind, into the darkness I traveled. Four hours later, I woke up and as I walked through the hospital’s front doors, I very quickly realized that I was so fucked up that when I looked at my car, I thought to myself, ‘It is less than ten minutes to the house. I can do it. After all, I had driven fucked up before, decades ago.

My human mother knew that she was dying too, with six kids, and being a nurse full time since her youth. I wonder how she did it, and how she felt like while she was dying, but at the end, she wanted to go, in a manner of speaking. I accidently discovered my mother had died on the web. My dad, brothers and sisters never called me to let me know that my mother was dying. Can you imagine that? I looked at the words on the wed, ‘She is dead.’ I stated out loud, ‘Those motherfuckers, regarding my dad, brothers and sisters. Too bad for them.

I might have called her to ask how she felt about dying, but I was too young to think about it like I think about dying and death now, along with the fact that dying and knowing you are really dying is such a personal experience especially that when the person dying has more on their minds than talking about their human death. Maybe they cannot explain it anyway! But look at me.

My active CLL cancer had a huge, a gigantic start by the time the first Calquence pill entered my mouth and system. Who knows how long the inactive CLL Cancer had been active until it had infected my blood, bones, body, and brain too, to the moment I actually knew my biological body was being destroyed from the inside out, by a cancer that kills people every day is my guess.

I have no idea how long, but it did not matter anyway. But what I did know was that in the darkness of the night, when everything and especially my body of course, was still and silent, when I could feel my body talking to me and informing me, that beginning of the end had started. That the beginning of the inactive CLL which long had been a part of my body without any pain or worry, all of sudden it became alive like a deadly monster arising up from the deep sea, without a scream or a yell to warn me what was about to happen to my body. Actually. No, it did not.

In the darkness of the night, I could feel a part of my inner biological body, an organ of course, that I never knew anything about before I heard the word from my oncologist, the spleen. Of course, I knew I had a spleen, like I know I have a lot of other parts called organs in my body, but it is very different knowing that you have organs in your body compared to actually understanding and then knowing what they all actually do within the biological system called the biological body. Until you discover that you are dying because at least one organ is being eaten alive by stage 4 CLL cancer cells. Or in my case, as my doctor stated to me, “That cancer is all over your body.”

When I felt the slight pain on the left side of my inner guts becoming more and more painful, during the silent darkness of the night, I knew and realized that when my spleen started feeling a slight pain in the middle of the night, which then become a bit more painful little by little, until I truly knew I had a real issue on my hands, or in this case, in the side of the inside of my gut. But there were more signs than the slight pain in my gut to warn me that I was actually dying.

I don’t remember exactly what night it was, but I do remember I was sleeping in the darkness of the night, in the darkness of the dream world when I felt the sensation in both of my legs, the tingling and needle’s pin picks that were in my leg’s bloods and bones. I sat up and I stated to myself out loud, in the darkness of the night, “Oh fuck! I think I am dying.

Oh fuck, I think I am dying. Shit. Motherfucker. I think I am dying.” They were not words of joy, but more of surprise. But truth be told, I knew for years that this moment was coming to kill me. I had been mentally and spiritually preparing myself for this moment. I knew I had a problem for a few minutes until I returned to sleep. What else was I going to do at 3 am. Not be a crybaby.

Which of course that was an understatement. I wasn’t simply dying, I was dying really, really fast, just like those poor people who unexpectedly and suddenly knew that they were dying from the Covid virus. How did they feel when they knew they were saying goodbye to everything in the world they owned and loved, like the people in their live? Some people simply dropped dead, without preparing for their own quick deaths. It was not a mistake I made, mind you.

Just a warning to my dear readers. But a real warning to all of you, if in the darkness of the night you feel something wrong with your body, you should maybe think, thank ‘God.’ for the warning and get yourselves to a human doctor who just might save your biological body from becoming dead. I listened to my body because as the saying goes, “If in the middle of the night, the thief, CLL in my case, comes to take your human life, be prepared to kill it.”

It might help to read some parts of the Bible too, because miracles do happen by reading the Good Book, in its proper context of course. If you don’t like to read a book like the Bible when you are dying from CLL, or some other deadly condition, like life on planet earth, you might want it next to you on that pillow when you are dying just in case a supernatural being like an angel is watching over you to take you somewhere special, or maybe not so special, whatever the case may be in your own specific cases. Where the dead go, who knows. But they go somewhere!

In any case, it might also look good to those people who are discovering your dead body and picking it up from the place where it stopped breathing. Or in my case, where my body was being eaten alive by cancer cells killing and destroying my normal working blood cells and organs. I was very lucky that before my body was actually dead, I could start to do something about it like taking the Calquence chemotherapy pill.

Just in case you really die from stage 4 cancer, or some other deadly form of human existence, it might be good to have a Bible next to your dead body just so it looks good for the finders of your dead body, and any supernatural creature hovering over it. Most of the deadly forms of human and biological and even mental elements that are trying to kill each and every one of you are hiding in the shadows of darkness waiting to take your human life and laugh about it. Yes.

That guy Jesus who supposedly lived over two thousand years ago stated something like this, “Do not worry about your body going to hell, worry about your soul going to hell.” Paraphrased.

“I know how it feels like to live like you are going to die today and/or tomorrow. I have been there. I make each day feel like a wild ride through the heart of the rapids at midnight.” (Shameless S5:E10 2450.

I have wondered what Jesus must have felt like within his own mind when he knew that he was going to die a very horrible death when all he had to do is simply walk away, at least up to a certain point of his human experience.

I have also wondered what it must have felt like for those Covid virus victims who were one day living a normal life and then the next day they realized that they too, unexpectedly were going to die a rather quick death, maybe without enough time to say goodbye to their loved ones, even all the while they also knew that no human doctor was going to be able to help them live another day in the human existence. But saved they would not be!

People who have cancer and who are especially dying from cancer probably do not feel like having a wild ride through the heart of the rapids at midnight, but they do know what it feels like to live like they are going to die today, tomorrow, or the next day. But they know they are dying.

They also live with their suffering and sometimes wishing they could end their lives just to end the constant and endless suffering that they alone have to experience while other human beings go walking around doing their business and living life like it is just another day of life on planet earth. What else can they do anyway? When you are normal, not sick, undying, you walk around like everything is A Ok. Like it is heaven on earth, sometimes. Not so for the people dying from any type of cancer or anything at all. All they see, feel, realize, think about, it is dying and death. Maybe they hear the voices of those souls who have traveled on into the afterlife.

Not so with people who are actually suffering or not suffering with any type of cancer! People with cancer have a state of awareness that their biological human bodies are being attacked from the inside out by an invisible killer which cannot be seen with human eyes, unless you are a doctor or specialist or a cancer researcher who is dealing with cancer cells in one way or another every day and who own some very powerful microscopes.

When I was a little boy, I received a microscope for a birthday present for one day, my birthday. But the next day it was gone because my parents probably returned it to the store. I guessed that they needed the money because money was really tight back then, just as it is now for many people. But I did learn something about life on planet earth, that certain tools are needed to see, to hear, to understand how life operates, develops, evolves, for human beings and other living creatures. I wondered what I could have seen through that microscope if I owned for a week.

As I grew up and more intelligent, I learn that life on planet earth is very complex, very complicated, and also very special too. After all, it seems from all current knowledge that biological life is located only on planet earth and no other place in the vast and seemingly endless cosmic universe, at least from the current human standpoint. But for creatures as myself, I do know that there is life beyond planet earth. I am a creature on earth who has seen many things.

What is it like to know you are dying? The simple answer is that you know that you are dying. You know it!. You know you are dying because you feel it, sense it, taste the death that is in the air, around your human soul, waiting to take you beyond this earthly realm into the great beyond.

You are waiting for death to happen like normal people who are waiting for their morning coffee. Who live living their lives without a thought, a worry, a concern about death. Who are happy that they are alive, when the dying are no longer happy about living because they know that they have already crossed over from life to death, even before their last breath. They are actually aware, unlike people who are not aware, that your end is near, that your death is near, that you are going away, hopefully somewhere special, and better than here on planet earth.

Not me! Inwardly, I was laughing at death the way I would laugh at a good joke.

But still, I am very happy to still be alive on earth; watching the birds fly in the sky, feeding feral cats, seeing the blue sky with the white clouds floating around like, drinking good coffee, listening to classical and jazz music, reading books, eating good food, taking a warm shower, etc. But now, I live life with invisible tears in my eyes, running down my face: Thanking God, the angels, and the cancer doctors and researchers who helped me long enough to write this essay.

But before all that teary eye stuff, the real fight with cancer was soon to begin! For the fight for the life of my biological body which I do not call home, simply a place to stay in a bit longer, would be the biggest bitch I could ever experience. Let the joke of dying and death turn into a fight of life and death. Wow, what a fight it was for more reasons than one.

Life was different back then, in the1950s. Click to read the whole article.

 Life was different back then, in the1950s. Click to read the whole article.

Essay 1 - 2024. The Beginning of My Personal Fight with Stage 4 Cancer or CLL. By: Mr. George D. Patnoe. January 7, 2024.

Essay 1 - 2024. The Beginning of My Personal Fight with Stage 4 Cancer or CLL.

By: Mr. George D. Patnoe.

January 7, 2024.

I do not know about most of you my dear readers, but I wake every day with a different soul within my consciousness. Well, not a completely different soul, mind you, but a different sense of awareness, a different sense of living, of being alive. In January of 2022, I was dying of stage 4 Cancer, or CLL.

Oh baby, I was getting ready to leave planet earth, in a sense. Not really, which is only one reason I am still alive, living on planet earth, or more importantly, within in my own mind, or my different states and stages of consciousness. Some people might state that every person’s consciousness is changing every minute of every day. It adds up after years and years.

Some people might state that a soul is a state of consciousness. You see my dear readers, if I was an ordinary human being, I would have been dead long ago. I am not dead yet. I am still alive. (S4:E12. 55:50) - (personal note to myself) I am still alive. Therefore, some people might state that I am more than an ordinary human being, I might even be a transcended human being, in a matter of speaking. Of course, I have ascended and transcended planet earth, in so many different ways, yet I am still here walking among the people of the earth.

Before my latest current battle with so-called death, I had already faced and overcome both the physical and the mental concept of death by various means which might be discussed in one of my essays this year. Anyway, before January 2022, I had inactive CLL, but then it became active CLL. Some people think it became active CLL because I took the Covid vaccine, which may or may not be true. But I took it around two months before the inactive CLL become active CLL.

The Covid vaccine was taken in late November and by early January I was in stage 4 cancer and dying, quickly dying that is. I do not know if the Covid vaccine caused the inactive CLL to become active CLL. How could I know that since I am not a medical doctor. What I do know is that my human biological body was full blown stage 4 cancer, as was told to me my cancer doctor, who could not have been a better cancer doctor for me, especially after she heard my first joke after she told me I had stage 4 cancer.

Before the cancer doctor told me that I had stage 4 CLL cancer, I was walking towards the cancer doctor building and before I opened it and before I even touched the door, I asked myself, “Well, is it bad? Or is it really bad.” My body and my mind told me that it was going to be really bad news. You must understand my dear readers, my biological body was already telling my mind that the life that appears to be my biological body was coming to an end.

And from that moment on and forward into time, my biological body was in for the biggest fight of my humanly biological life, and that my human biological body’s ‘life’ might be coming to an end on planet earth. But low and behold, I had overcome mentally and spiritually the mortal delusional belief that my human biological body was the only life that consisted of my life long ago.

Don’t you all get the feeling that your biological body is not the only concept of your own human life? That maybe there is more to life and your own personal life than simply your biological body. Have any of you even faced the end of your own humanly biological body’s life? Are any of you prepared for the end of your humanly biological life. Maybe nobody is ready!

Upon hearing that I officially had stage 4 CLL cancer by the cancer doctor, I cracked a joke that went something like this. The doctor told me that I had stage 4 cancer and that I was going to get and take the most powerful cancer pill for CLL that had been approved by the FDA. I responded with the joke, “Can I get a little tiny bit of Viagra in it?”

The cancer doctor starred at me with a death stare. I stated, “Hey, I am not going to be a crybaby.” The she looks at me like a thought message which might have been, “You have been just told that you are dying of stage 4 cancer, and you are cracking a joke in my office. I did not want to tell her that I wasn’t an ordinary human being, but she has figured it out by now.

Anyway, the story continues with me walking out of the office and through the outside door and for a short 15 seconds I become partly normal and I had an emotional moment to myself, just to pretend that I was normal for 20 seconds and then I snapped out if and I told myself that cancer is not only not real in higher levels of consciousness, but that it was still a state of nothingness even if that nothingness called cancer was trying to destroy ‘me’ and kill my human biological body.

Of course, I needed some escapism, but what to do and where to go, I asked myself.

No drinking at a bar because I would never drink and drive drunk because that is simply really, really stupid, even for a guy who was dying of stage 4 cancer. I did not want to go home because I wanted to escape for a few hours, so what did I do? I went inside a movie theater, and I watched the movie, “Death on the Nile.” So, I not only escaped, but I learned something very important.

I learned that I had time until my earthly life was actually over, or so it would seem to the human mind and normal human experience. You see, there was a scene were people who had been killed and murdered by a bullet, a knife, poison, etc. were all covered up and wrapped up with white sheets. I was not covered and wrapped up in a white sheet. I could still think. And think I did. Before I even started talking Chemotherapy.

I started to think and know, which of course I had been thinking and knowing all along, that I was an idea of the Divine Mind which meant that what the human mortal mind was saying about me was a complete lie, including the lie called cancer. In reality, I was a spiritual idea, not located in a body.

I started to think and know that in a higher level of spiritual consciousness that I was an idea of Spirit. That in a higher level of consciousness I am completely spiritual and not a material being at all. And that cancer was no part of my spiritual identity, and that cancer could not touch any part of my true spiritual identity.

I started to think and know that in a higher level of consciousness that I was an idea of Soul. That my true identity was not only spiritual but that my true spiritual identity was untouchable by mortal thoughts and the mental and biological concept called cancer.

I started to think and know that in a higher level of consciousness that I was an idea of Principle or God. That my true identity was already at one with God and that that atonement was at one with Life, Truth, and Love.

That I was at one with the Life that was divine, and not mortal. That my true spiritual identity does not live in a space and time universe because my true identity was a timeless and spaceless identity, not in a biological body.

That the true me is a state of divine consciousness and my human consciousness was influenced by a divine consciousness more than a mortal consciousness.

That my true identity is at one with divine Love that would never give me anything called cancer which from God’s standpoint is a state of nothingness.

That was actually a lower level of scientifically spiritual metaphysical mental treatment which I would continue to do while I before, during, and after Chemo. But soon thereafter, I would start to take the chemical Calquence. Then, the real fight with stage 4 cancer was soon to begin.

“Because once it is in you, it stays, even when it is gone.” (as a memory)
A quote from Mystic River.

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with a Tempo Mach 2 appears.

 An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with a Tempo Mach 2 appears.

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!"

He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks: "Well, how was that?"

The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but watch this!"

The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly straight, at the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?

Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?"

The AirBus pilot laughs and says: "I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry."

The moral of the story is: When you’re young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important.

This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older and Smarter.

Dedicated to all my senior friends ~ it’s time to slow down and enjoy the rest of the trip.

Author Unknown