Where is my 13 Inch 13 Dollar Blueberry Pie from the 13 Year Old Church Boy?
Is This Story about a Pie or About Integrity from Church People?
Can Church People be BAD Outside of Church? Hum!
By: Mr. George D. Patnoe., Jr!
December 5th, 2018.
The Story:
Sometime in late October 2018 I was reading my Wall Street Journal and New York Times newspaper while I was sitting on my front porch. I also had the Economist magazine too but the Economist magazine is usually read at a different time. But oh man, it was a nice afternoon too. The sun was shining and the temperature was oh just perfect. I had my cup of coffee and a diet soft drink on the ready placed on the tables next to my chair. I was taking my time flipping through both the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times because I had no place I would rather be than home reading. I hope my readers enjoy reading too especially my writings.
Out of the corner of my eye I see two boys walking on the sidewalk. Ok, I think nothing of it until they begin to walk on my driveway up to me. One boy who is 13 years old I learned later had some papers in his hand and he says to me, “Would you like to buy a 13 inch pie for 13 dollars so I can go to a camp? The pies cost 13 dollars.”
His presence brought back my own memories of trying to sell items especially when I was in the Boy Scouts a long time ago. There was an item we Boy Scouts were selling which were cans of fancy peanuts to raise money for some purpose. I also remember how I was always trying to be a perfect salesman by using the perfect words to present myself and my product. My dad was a salesman too but he sold other stuff during his lifetime. I knew that he had to use words to sell his products whenever he presented himself to his potential buyers.
So I look at the young boy and I start to explain to him how to present himself to potential buyers. Like, “Hello, my name is so and so and I am selling pies so I can go to camp. I am from the so and so church and I was hoping that you would be kind as to buy a pie from me so I can go to camp.” Those are paraphrase words my dear readers. He listened and I had hoped that he had learn something from me before he walked to the next house and he knocked on other people’s front doors or rang their doorbells.
What I should have tried to teach the young 13 year old boy was something about ethics, morals, integrity, and professionalism when taking money from a buyer of a pie and never bringing the pie to the buyer when the date arrived for the pie to be delivered which happened to be November 17, 2018. About 4-5 weeks away from the day I gave the 13 year old boy my 13 dollars for a 13 inch blueberry pie. Or about 1.5 - 2 weeks from Thanksgiving Day. I should have instructed that 13 year old boy that when he takes 13 US dollars from a buyer of a 13 inch blueberry pie and you do not deliver the 13 inch blueberry pie on the day you promised, or sometime after that day, you are now a thief, even if you and your parents go to church. I should have told the 13 year old boy that when you take money from someone with the promise to deliver a 13 inch blueberry pie in the future and you do not deliver the pie, you are now a criminal with the words thief inside your brain with a possible criminal record.
Ok now, I had waited over a week or about 10-11 days after November 17, 2018 and still no pie. I am thinking to myself, ‘Is the 13 year old boy going to deliver my pie or is he a thief?’ So now I am thinking over a week is to long and I have to take action to get my 13 inch blueberry pie. Oh how I wanted to eat that blueberry pie during Thanksgiving Day too. There was a memory about blueberry pies on Thanksgiving Day that was always in my memory bank. The memory of my grandmother bringing out homemade blueberry and apples pies out from her kitchen that she hand baked by her own hands. Oh they were so good. So I simply wanted a blueberry pie on Thanksgiving day to enjoy. But the church people did not care about my pie! No they did not!
So I left a few messages on the church’s phone answering machine to find out if I was ever going to get my blueberry pie. No response for over a week. Now I am thinking to myself, if nobody as if no adult calls me about my blueberry pie, then I know that even people who go to church are criminals too, just like some police officers are criminals. So I call the church on a Sunday when I hope a honest adult will talk to me. All I get is the phone’s answering machine again. And here is the punch line my dear readers. The church is across the street from my house and I know that people have been entering that church almost everyday and nobody returned my phone calls about my 13 inch blueberry pie that I paid 13 dollars to the 13 year old boy. I even asked them to knock on my front door so we could talk about my blueberry pie. Nothing as in no response from the church people for about two weeks since my first phone call.
Hey, what am I going to do? Right? Am I really going to call the local worthless and corrupt police department about a 13 year old boy who took my 13 dollars for a 13 inch blueberry pie. No! I will not take it that far because I am not that kind of person. I was not going to call the police about a 13 year old thief. I just did not have the heart to call the police about him but maybe I should have because you will not believe what happened next.
I get a phone call from an old man at the church and he has me talk to a younger 20 something year old male. The problem here is that the 20 year old male started lying to me from the first words that came out of his mouth with statements like, “Sir we were not selling pies to anyone on the street. We were only selling pie at (two building somewhere) so it was not possible that a boy from our church sold a pie to you.” And then there was this statement. “Sir we were selling pies for $13.50 and not for $13. So you must have bought a pie from someone else.” There were more lies from the church people who wanted to protect the 13 year old boy who sold me a 13 inch blueberry pie for 13 dollars.
Now, and get this my dear readers. Now the so-called adult who wants to become a minster of the Holy Bible states to me after all of the denials two statements, “He left the pie on the front porch.” And then it was, “We left the pie on the chair and someone must have stole it from you.”
What am I going to now I am thinking to myself. Call the local worthless and corrupt police department on some church people and a 13 year old boy who took my 13 dollars for a 13 inch blueberry pie? I actually like calling the police when I know that I really should be calling the police, but not for a 13 inch blueberry pie that I paid 13 US dollars to a 13 year old boy. What were the police going to do anyway in a small town that is a political town which means if the local and corrupt police department knows the church people that in all likelihood the local and corrupt police department were going to take sides with the church people even if they are thieves by not bring my 13 inch blueberry pie before Thanksgiving Day, or sometime afterwards?
What did the young church going liar on the phone think I was going to do when he was lying to me during the conversations we had on the phone. Nothing! Did he think I was going to let him to lie to me with every sentence that was traveling through the air to my ears and brain and mind and consciousness? So I ask him one very simple and direct question to get to the point of the matter. I ask this person who believes that Jesus is God and you also believes that you have to believe in Jesus to get to heaven and who has to also believe that Jesus is God to get to heaven.
Well, I ask him one simple question. “Are you lying to me?”
Well that must of hit his funny bone because to make a very long story very short he eventuality brought me a boysenberry pie. And as he and his friend were walking away from me he raised his fist up in the air and he gave me the fuck you finger but he could not even do it to my face.
I ate the whole 13 inch boysenberry pie with a glass of milk over a week period of time and then I sat down to write this story for everyone to read on the world wide web. I should have had some vanilla ice cream with the pie, but I was to lazy to go and buy some vanilla ice cream for my 13 inch boysenberry pie and glass of milk.
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Some Questions:
Now then, let me ask some questions for my dear readers to ponder about people who go to church and teach their children very bad habits.
Point # 1. What are they teaching this 13 year boy about God, religion, morals, ethics, and the laws of God and men?
Point #2. Do they really believe that lying and committing the crimes of taking money and not delivering the item is a good lesson to teach a 13 year old boy who also goes to church.
Point #3. Do these church people really believe that Jesus is God and that you have to believe that he is God to get to a heaven somewhere in outer space which is not what Jesus taught at all?
Point #4. Is everyone in that church going to hate my guts because I wanted my 13 inch blueberry pie that I paid 13 dollars to a 13 year old boy on a Sunday afternoon?
Point #5. Am I ever going to buy another 13 inch pie from the church people who took my money and who did not want to deliver my blueberry pie to me at all as in no time whatsoever?
Point #6. Maybe they need me to be a preacher to actually teach them about God and the Bible.
Point #7. What would Jesus think about this story? What would Jesus think? Hum!
The real punch line here folks is this! The church people did not want to deliver my 13 inch pie after I paid 12 US dollars to a 13 year old boy after I helped the local police dept and the FBI and ATF solve a crime that happened to that church during the summers months and after I called in a fire in their parking lot. I guess that is what happens after a person helps a church and its people in America. They should have given me a free pie for helping them, the cheap church people.
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