Essay 1 - 2024. The Beginning of My Personal Fight with Stage 4 Cancer or CLL. By: Mr. George D. Patnoe. January 7, 2024.

Essay 1 - 2024. The Beginning of My Personal Fight with Stage 4 Cancer or CLL.

By: Mr. George D. Patnoe.

January 7, 2024.

I do not know about most of you my dear readers, but I wake every day with a different soul within my consciousness. Well, not a completely different soul, mind you, but a different sense of awareness, a different sense of living, of being alive. In January of 2022, I was dying of stage 4 Cancer, or CLL.

Oh baby, I was getting ready to leave planet earth, in a sense. Not really, which is only one reason I am still alive, living on planet earth, or more importantly, within in my own mind, or my different states and stages of consciousness. Some people might state that every person’s consciousness is changing every minute of every day. It adds up after years and years.

Some people might state that a soul is a state of consciousness. You see my dear readers, if I was an ordinary human being, I would have been dead long ago. I am not dead yet. I am still alive. (S4:E12. 55:50) - (personal note to myself) I am still alive. Therefore, some people might state that I am more than an ordinary human being, I might even be a transcended human being, in a matter of speaking. Of course, I have ascended and transcended planet earth, in so many different ways, yet I am still here walking among the people of the earth.

Before my latest current battle with so-called death, I had already faced and overcome both the physical and the mental concept of death by various means which might be discussed in one of my essays this year. Anyway, before January 2022, I had inactive CLL, but then it became active CLL. Some people think it became active CLL because I took the Covid vaccine, which may or may not be true. But I took it around two months before the inactive CLL become active CLL.

The Covid vaccine was taken in late November and by early January I was in stage 4 cancer and dying, quickly dying that is. I do not know if the Covid vaccine caused the inactive CLL to become active CLL. How could I know that since I am not a medical doctor. What I do know is that my human biological body was full blown stage 4 cancer, as was told to me my cancer doctor, who could not have been a better cancer doctor for me, especially after she heard my first joke after she told me I had stage 4 cancer.

Before the cancer doctor told me that I had stage 4 CLL cancer, I was walking towards the cancer doctor building and before I opened it and before I even touched the door, I asked myself, “Well, is it bad? Or is it really bad.” My body and my mind told me that it was going to be really bad news. You must understand my dear readers, my biological body was already telling my mind that the life that appears to be my biological body was coming to an end.

And from that moment on and forward into time, my biological body was in for the biggest fight of my humanly biological life, and that my human biological body’s ‘life’ might be coming to an end on planet earth. But low and behold, I had overcome mentally and spiritually the mortal delusional belief that my human biological body was the only life that consisted of my life long ago.

Don’t you all get the feeling that your biological body is not the only concept of your own human life? That maybe there is more to life and your own personal life than simply your biological body. Have any of you even faced the end of your own humanly biological body’s life? Are any of you prepared for the end of your humanly biological life. Maybe nobody is ready!

Upon hearing that I officially had stage 4 CLL cancer by the cancer doctor, I cracked a joke that went something like this. The doctor told me that I had stage 4 cancer and that I was going to get and take the most powerful cancer pill for CLL that had been approved by the FDA. I responded with the joke, “Can I get a little tiny bit of Viagra in it?”

The cancer doctor starred at me with a death stare. I stated, “Hey, I am not going to be a crybaby.” The she looks at me like a thought message which might have been, “You have been just told that you are dying of stage 4 cancer, and you are cracking a joke in my office. I did not want to tell her that I wasn’t an ordinary human being, but she has figured it out by now.

Anyway, the story continues with me walking out of the office and through the outside door and for a short 15 seconds I become partly normal and I had an emotional moment to myself, just to pretend that I was normal for 20 seconds and then I snapped out if and I told myself that cancer is not only not real in higher levels of consciousness, but that it was still a state of nothingness even if that nothingness called cancer was trying to destroy ‘me’ and kill my human biological body.

Of course, I needed some escapism, but what to do and where to go, I asked myself.

No drinking at a bar because I would never drink and drive drunk because that is simply really, really stupid, even for a guy who was dying of stage 4 cancer. I did not want to go home because I wanted to escape for a few hours, so what did I do? I went inside a movie theater, and I watched the movie, “Death on the Nile.” So, I not only escaped, but I learned something very important.

I learned that I had time until my earthly life was actually over, or so it would seem to the human mind and normal human experience. You see, there was a scene were people who had been killed and murdered by a bullet, a knife, poison, etc. were all covered up and wrapped up with white sheets. I was not covered and wrapped up in a white sheet. I could still think. And think I did. Before I even started talking Chemotherapy.

I started to think and know, which of course I had been thinking and knowing all along, that I was an idea of the Divine Mind which meant that what the human mortal mind was saying about me was a complete lie, including the lie called cancer. In reality, I was a spiritual idea, not located in a body.

I started to think and know that in a higher level of spiritual consciousness that I was an idea of Spirit. That in a higher level of consciousness I am completely spiritual and not a material being at all. And that cancer was no part of my spiritual identity, and that cancer could not touch any part of my true spiritual identity.

I started to think and know that in a higher level of consciousness that I was an idea of Soul. That my true identity was not only spiritual but that my true spiritual identity was untouchable by mortal thoughts and the mental and biological concept called cancer.

I started to think and know that in a higher level of consciousness that I was an idea of Principle or God. That my true identity was already at one with God and that that atonement was at one with Life, Truth, and Love.

That I was at one with the Life that was divine, and not mortal. That my true spiritual identity does not live in a space and time universe because my true identity was a timeless and spaceless identity, not in a biological body.

That the true me is a state of divine consciousness and my human consciousness was influenced by a divine consciousness more than a mortal consciousness.

That my true identity is at one with divine Love that would never give me anything called cancer which from God’s standpoint is a state of nothingness.

That was actually a lower level of scientifically spiritual metaphysical mental treatment which I would continue to do while I before, during, and after Chemo. But soon thereafter, I would start to take the chemical Calquence. Then, the real fight with stage 4 cancer was soon to begin.

“Because once it is in you, it stays, even when it is gone.” (as a memory)
A quote from Mystic River.