A Joke for Today. “High Tech versus Low Tech.

 A Joke for Today.  “High Tech versus Low Tech.

Three women - two younger and one senior citizen - were sitting naked in a sauna.

Suddenly, there was a beeping sound.  One of the younger women press her forearm and the beeping sound stop.

The others looked at her curiously.

“That was my pager, “she said. “I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.”

A few minutes later, a phone rang.

The second younger woman who lifted her palm to her ear.  When she finished the call, she explained, “That was my cell phone.” I have a microchip in my hand.”

The older woman felt very low-tech.  Not to be outdone, she stepped out of the sauna and went into the bathroom.

She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her bottom.

The others raised their eyebrows and stared in amazement.

The older lady smile at them, and says to them, “Well, well.  Look at that.  I’m getting a fax!”

A Joke for Today. “Will It Work?”

A Joke for Today. “Will It Work?”


An old lady gets pulled over for speeding, by a police officer.

The police officer walks up the car and he asks to see her driver’s license.

The old lady responds, “I don’t have a driver’s license.”

“Hum.” Moans the police officer. “Why don’t you have a driver’s license.”

She proudly states, “It was revoked for drunk driving.”

The police officer is not stunned at all, but then he asks, “Can I see your car’s registration?”

“It is not mine! I stole it!”

“I see.” states the police officer.

“Anything else I should know about, lady?”

She turns her head to look into his eyes, and then states to him, “There is a dead body in the trunk.”

The officer looks stunned as he backs away from the car as he puts his finger on the radio button to call for backup. Soon enough, the Chief of Police arrives on the scene. He approaches the car’s front door, looks inside to see the old lady smiling at him as if something was funny.

“Ma’am. My officer says you have no driver's license, a stolen car, and a dead body in the trunk.”

The old lady smiles at the Chief of Police, hands him a valid drivers licence, and the car’s registration. They open up the trunk, only to find it is empty, with no dead body in it.

The old lady sighs at them as she clearly states with a smile on her face, “I bet that liar told you that I was speeding too.”

A Joke for Today. “The Devil gives Food. Or Not!”

 A Joke for Today.  “The Devil gives Food. Or Not!”

A poor woman called a radio station to ask God for help.

An arrogant wealthy atheist hear her call and decide to mock her.

He bought a huge amount of groceries and ordered his secetary to deliver them to the woman’s house.

He gave one very specific instruction:

“If she asks who sent it, tell her it came from the devil.”

When the groceries arrived, the woman was overjoyed and immediately started putting the food away in their proper places to keep the kitchen ordered.

Curious, the secretary asked her, “Don’t you want to know who sent all of this food to you?”

With a smile the woman replied, “Oh, there is no need for that question.  I don’t care who sent it.  Because when God almighty gives an order, even the devil has to obey it!”

A Joke for Today. “The Math Classroom and the Cross.”

 A Joke for Today.  “The Math Classroom and the Cross.”

Little Billy was a no good, lazy student, and he was failing math, reading, and writing miserably,  especailly the math class.

His parents had enough of his no good, lazy attitude, so they pull him out of the public school.

Instead, they enrolled him in the local Catholic school, where nuns ruled the school.

After his very first day in the local Catholic school, Billy went home without saying a single word.

He went straight to his bedroom to do his math homework, and his reading and writing too.

He stayed there, studying math, reading his book, and writing essays too.

A few days later, his parents finally asked him, Billy, “What happened?  You are reading and writing, and studying so hard, even studying the mathematics?”

Billy simply replied, “When I walked into the math classroom on Monday, I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign above the blackboard, ... I knew they weren’t messing around with this studying stuff.”

An OH No moment.

 

A Joke for Today. “A Dog Being Pushed Home.”

 A Joke for Today.   “A Dog Being Pushed Home.”

A little girl asks her mom, “Mom, can I take the dog around the block?”

“No.” responds her mom, “Because the dog is in heat.”

“What does that mean? asked the child girl.

“Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage.”

So, the girl walks to the garage, where she finds her dad working on the car.

She asks, “‘Dad, can I take Lulu out for a walk around the block?  I asked mom, but she said no because the dog is in heat, so she told me to ask you what you think about it.”

Being a nice dad to her little girl, the dad takes a rag, soaks it in some gasoline, and he rubs it on the backside of the dog to disguise the heat scent.

He tells her, “Ok, you can go now with Lulu around the block, but be careful.”

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later without a dog on the leash.  Surprised, the dad asks his little girl, “Where is Lulu?”

The little girl looks a bit confused as she states to her dad, “She ran out of gasoline about halfway around the block, so another dog is pushing her home!”

A Joke for Today. “A Drunk Almost Passes the Bar Test for Free Beer for Life.”

 A Joke for Today.  “A Drunk Almost Passes the Bar Test for Free Beer for Life.”

A man walks into a bar, and he sees a sign that says, “Free Beer for Life If You Can Pass Our Test!”

He walks over to the bartender and says, “I see that sign on the wall.  What is this test you have here to get free beer for life?”

The bartender says, “Well, first you gotta chug a gallon of pepper tequila.

Next, you have to go out back and pull the sore tooth out of our angry alligator.

Next, and finally, we have a girl upstairs who has never slept with a man; and you got to make things right with her.”

Laughing the man exclaims, “Well, that sounds like the stupidest test I have ever heard of!”

He leaves to get drunk with his friends.  Later that night, the man returns to the bartender absolutely hammered drunk.

He says to the bartender, “Ok bartender! Let me do that test!”

The bartender hands him a gallon of pepper tequila, and before he could warn him, the man starts chugging that pepper tequila down his throat.

Teary eyes and near the point of fainting, the man finishes the gallon of pepper tequila and slams the empty gallon jug on the counter.  Happy and drunk as hell.

Stunned, the bartender leads him to the back to the alligator.  A few minutes goes by, and after a bunch of screaming and clatter, the man stumbles back inside the bar.

His shirt is torn up, and his body is bleeding horribly and profusely, with cuts all over his body from the alligator.

He stares at the bartender and he says to him, “Ok, bartender, where is the girl with the sore tooth?”