A Joke for today. "Learn how to pronounce words."

 A Joke for today.  "Learn how to pronounce words."

During the service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for prayers, which had been answered.

A lady stood up and came forward.  She said, "I have a reason to praise the Lord."

"Two months ago, my husband Jim, had a very terrible bicycle wreak and his scrotum was completely crushed.  The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced.  She continued, "Jim was unable to hold me or the children, and every move caused him terrible pain."

"We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation."

"They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it back in place."

Again, the men if the congregation squirmed uncomfortable as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim.

She continued, "Now Jim is out of the hospital and the doctors say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely."  All of the men sighed with relief.

The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had anything to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I am Jim and I would like to tell everyone including my wife, the word is "sternum."

A Joke for today. "A Night Not to be Forgotten!"

 A Joke for today. "A Night Not to be Forgotten!"

A Couple wants to enjoy their very first night together, but they never expected this.

Fred and Mary got married, but they can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parents' home for their very first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, get up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out the door to go to school, he asks his mother if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No."

Johnny asks her, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, I don't want to hear what you think, so go to school.

Johnny comes home from school for lunch and he asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think. Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, ""Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says, "NO."

He asks again, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Ok, tell me what you think?"

He says, "Last night Fred came into my bedroom for the Vaseline, and I think I gave him my airplane's SUPER GLUE."

RAINBOW. 8.28.2026. 7.45.2026.

 

SUNSET 8.27.2026

 A Most Remarkable and Beautiful Sunset I have ever seen in person. And I have seen thousands of them over the years. The picture doesn't do it justice.

Of course, the scene was much wider than my picture, but I wanted a close up for to get the colors, but of course, it all depends on the camera, too. I think I might start carrying a real camera with me from now on. The crazy thing is I had just started reading a book titled, "Reductionism in Art and Brain Science."" By Eric R. KANDEL.

A Joke for today. "Who believes in Genies?"

 A Joke for today.  "Who believes in Genies?"

A Husband and wife were playing golf together.

On the third hole, the husband hit a terrible shot that went straight through the window of a very expensive house nearby.

They went to the house to apologize, and they found a broken antique vase on the floor.

A man was sitting there and said, "Thank you for breaking that vase!  I am a Genie who was trapped inside it for 1,000 years. 

I will grant you three wishes, but I get one wish for myself."

The husband excitedly asked for a million dollars a year and a mansion in every country.

The Genie granted the wishes and then asked for his own wish.

"I just want to spend one night with your beautiful wife."

After the Genie and wife were done, the Genie asked the wife, "How old is your husband?"

She said, "He is 55 years old."

The Genie laughed and said to her.

"And he still believes in Genies?"

A Joke for today. An Old Lady is Asked.

 A Joke for today.  An Old Lady is Asked.

The preacher's Sunday's sermon was, "Forgive your Enemies.

He asked, how many of the congregation have forgiven their enemies?

About half held up their hands.

He then repeated his question once more.

Now about 80 % help up their hands.

He then repeated his question once more.

All responded, except one elderly old lady.

"Mrs. Johnson, are not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any enemies."

Mrs. Johnson, that is very unusual. How old are you?

"Ninety-three, she replied.

"Mrs. Johnson, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the entire world at 93 years old."

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle and she said, ...

"I outlived every one of those bitches."

A Joke for today. "Who is Afraid of Satan?"

 A Joke for today.   "Who is Afraid of Satan?"

Just before Sunday service began, Satan suddenly appeared at the front of the church.

The congregation screamed and rushed for the exits, leaving only one elderly man sitting in his pew.

Satan walked over and asked him, "Don't you know who I am?

"Sure do," the old man replied.

"And you aren't afraid of me?" 

'Nope." replied the old man.

Satan frowned. "You know I could destroy you... and make you suffer forever?"

"I don't doubt it."

Now, completely confused, Satan demanded, "Then why aren't you afraid of me?"

The old man smiled at Satan, "Because I have been married to your sister for the last 48 year!"