A Joke for Today. “Comparing Numbers.”

 A Joke for Today.  “Comparing Numbers.”

A wife finds a note from her husband on the fridge one morning.

“My dear wife.  You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old can no longer satisfy.  I am very happy with you, and I value you as a good wife.

Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongfully interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 19-year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.”

Please don’t be upset with me, but I shall be home before midnight.”

When the man came home that night, he found the following note on the dining table.

“To my dear husband. I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about me being 57 years old, etc.  I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 57 years old.  As you know I am a math teacher at our local college.

I would also like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my math students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is very handsome especially without his clothes on.

He is also young and virile.  And, like your secretary, as a successful businessman, who also has an excellent knowledge of math.  So, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although there is one difference.

19 goes into 57 more times than 57 goes into 19. So therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.

See you tomorrow, unless I change my mind!”

A Joke for Today. “Poor, Poor, - Really Poor, Ken!”

 A Joke for Today.  “Poor, Poor, - Really Poor, Ken!”

One day, a father gets out of work, and he realizes that he forgot something, but he cannot put his finger on it.

But at a red light on his way home, he suddenly remembers that it is his young daughter’s birthday that day.

Knowing he has to buy her something, he looks around the area for a store to shop at.

He sees a Toy Store in a mall parking lot, so he pulls into the parking lot to check out the store to buy his daughter a gift.

He walks into the store and there standing before is a toy salesperson, as he sees a whole rack of Barbie Dolls.

He asks the salesperson, “How much for that one in the window?”

The salesperson answers, “Which one do you mean, sir?”

“We have: Work out Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95.”

The amazed father asks the salesperson, “It is what! Why is the Divorced Barbie for $265.95?”

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes around a bit; sighs a bit louder and answers the father.

“Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken’s Car, Ken’s House, Ken’s Boat, Ken’s Furniture, Ken’s Computer and Television, one of Ken’s Friends, and a Key Chain made with Ken’s balls.”

A Joke for Today. “High Tech versus Low Tech.

 A Joke for Today.  “High Tech versus Low Tech.

Three women - two younger and one senior citizen - were sitting naked in a sauna.

Suddenly, there was a beeping sound.  One of the younger women press her forearm and the beeping sound stop.

The others looked at her curiously.

“That was my pager, “she said. “I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.”

A few minutes later, a phone rang.

The second younger woman who lifted her palm to her ear.  When she finished the call, she explained, “That was my cell phone.” I have a microchip in my hand.”

The older woman felt very low-tech.  Not to be outdone, she stepped out of the sauna and went into the bathroom.

She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her bottom.

The others raised their eyebrows and stared in amazement.

The older lady smile at them, and says to them, “Well, well.  Look at that.  I’m getting a fax!”

A Joke for Today. “Will It Work?”

A Joke for Today. “Will It Work?”


An old lady gets pulled over for speeding, by a police officer.

The police officer walks up the car and he asks to see her driver’s license.

The old lady responds, “I don’t have a driver’s license.”

“Hum.” Moans the police officer. “Why don’t you have a driver’s license.”

She proudly states, “It was revoked for drunk driving.”

The police officer is not stunned at all, but then he asks, “Can I see your car’s registration?”

“It is not mine! I stole it!”

“I see.” states the police officer.

“Anything else I should know about, lady?”

She turns her head to look into his eyes, and then states to him, “There is a dead body in the trunk.”

The officer looks stunned as he backs away from the car as he puts his finger on the radio button to call for backup. Soon enough, the Chief of Police arrives on the scene. He approaches the car’s front door, looks inside to see the old lady smiling at him as if something was funny.

“Ma’am. My officer says you have no driver's license, a stolen car, and a dead body in the trunk.”

The old lady smiles at the Chief of Police, hands him a valid drivers licence, and the car’s registration. They open up the trunk, only to find it is empty, with no dead body in it.

The old lady sighs at them as she clearly states with a smile on her face, “I bet that liar told you that I was speeding too.”

A Joke for Today. “The Devil gives Food. Or Not!”

 A Joke for Today.  “The Devil gives Food. Or Not!”

A poor woman called a radio station to ask God for help.

An arrogant wealthy atheist hear her call and decide to mock her.

He bought a huge amount of groceries and ordered his secetary to deliver them to the woman’s house.

He gave one very specific instruction:

“If she asks who sent it, tell her it came from the devil.”

When the groceries arrived, the woman was overjoyed and immediately started putting the food away in their proper places to keep the kitchen ordered.

Curious, the secretary asked her, “Don’t you want to know who sent all of this food to you?”

With a smile the woman replied, “Oh, there is no need for that question.  I don’t care who sent it.  Because when God almighty gives an order, even the devil has to obey it!”

A Joke for Today. “The Math Classroom and the Cross.”

 A Joke for Today.  “The Math Classroom and the Cross.”

Little Billy was a no good, lazy student, and he was failing math, reading, and writing miserably,  especailly the math class.

His parents had enough of his no good, lazy attitude, so they pull him out of the public school.

Instead, they enrolled him in the local Catholic school, where nuns ruled the school.

After his very first day in the local Catholic school, Billy went home without saying a single word.

He went straight to his bedroom to do his math homework, and his reading and writing too.

He stayed there, studying math, reading his book, and writing essays too.

A few days later, his parents finally asked him, Billy, “What happened?  You are reading and writing, and studying so hard, even studying the mathematics?”

Billy simply replied, “When I walked into the math classroom on Monday, I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign above the blackboard, ... I knew they weren’t messing around with this studying stuff.”

An OH No moment.