A Joke for Today. “High Tech versus Low Tech.

 A Joke for Today.  “High Tech versus Low Tech.

Three women - two younger and one senior citizen - were sitting naked in a sauna.

Suddenly, there was a beeping sound.  One of the younger women press her forearm and the beeping sound stop.

The others looked at her curiously.

“That was my pager, “she said. “I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.”

A few minutes later, a phone rang.

The second younger woman who lifted her palm to her ear.  When she finished the call, she explained, “That was my cell phone.” I have a microchip in my hand.”

The older woman felt very low-tech.  Not to be outdone, she stepped out of the sauna and went into the bathroom.

She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her bottom.

The others raised their eyebrows and stared in amazement.

The older lady smile at them, and says to them, “Well, well.  Look at that.  I’m getting a fax!”

A Joke for Today. “Will It Work?”

A Joke for Today. “Will It Work?”


An old lady gets pulled over for speeding, by a police officer.

The police officer walks up the car and he asks to see her driver’s license.

The old lady responds, “I don’t have a driver’s license.”

“Hum.” Moans the police officer. “Why don’t you have a driver’s license.”

She proudly states, “It was revoked for drunk driving.”

The police officer is not stunned at all, but then he asks, “Can I see your car’s registration?”

“It is not mine! I stole it!”

“I see.” states the police officer.

“Anything else I should know about, lady?”

She turns her head to look into his eyes, and then states to him, “There is a dead body in the trunk.”

The officer looks stunned as he backs away from the car as he puts his finger on the radio button to call for backup. Soon enough, the Chief of Police arrives on the scene. He approaches the car’s front door, looks inside to see the old lady smiling at him as if something was funny.

“Ma’am. My officer says you have no driver's license, a stolen car, and a dead body in the trunk.”

The old lady smiles at the Chief of Police, hands him a valid drivers licence, and the car’s registration. They open up the trunk, only to find it is empty, with no dead body in it.

The old lady sighs at them as she clearly states with a smile on her face, “I bet that liar told you that I was speeding too.”

A Joke for Today. “The Devil gives Food. Or Not!”

 A Joke for Today.  “The Devil gives Food. Or Not!”

A poor woman called a radio station to ask God for help.

An arrogant wealthy atheist hear her call and decide to mock her.

He bought a huge amount of groceries and ordered his secetary to deliver them to the woman’s house.

He gave one very specific instruction:

“If she asks who sent it, tell her it came from the devil.”

When the groceries arrived, the woman was overjoyed and immediately started putting the food away in their proper places to keep the kitchen ordered.

Curious, the secretary asked her, “Don’t you want to know who sent all of this food to you?”

With a smile the woman replied, “Oh, there is no need for that question.  I don’t care who sent it.  Because when God almighty gives an order, even the devil has to obey it!”

A Joke for Today. “The Math Classroom and the Cross.”

 A Joke for Today.  “The Math Classroom and the Cross.”

Little Billy was a no good, lazy student, and he was failing math, reading, and writing miserably,  especailly the math class.

His parents had enough of his no good, lazy attitude, so they pull him out of the public school.

Instead, they enrolled him in the local Catholic school, where nuns ruled the school.

After his very first day in the local Catholic school, Billy went home without saying a single word.

He went straight to his bedroom to do his math homework, and his reading and writing too.

He stayed there, studying math, reading his book, and writing essays too.

A few days later, his parents finally asked him, Billy, “What happened?  You are reading and writing, and studying so hard, even studying the mathematics?”

Billy simply replied, “When I walked into the math classroom on Monday, I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign above the blackboard, ... I knew they weren’t messing around with this studying stuff.”

An OH No moment.

 

A Joke for Today. “A Dog Being Pushed Home.”

 A Joke for Today.   “A Dog Being Pushed Home.”

A little girl asks her mom, “Mom, can I take the dog around the block?”

“No.” responds her mom, “Because the dog is in heat.”

“What does that mean? asked the child girl.

“Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage.”

So, the girl walks to the garage, where she finds her dad working on the car.

She asks, “‘Dad, can I take Lulu out for a walk around the block?  I asked mom, but she said no because the dog is in heat, so she told me to ask you what you think about it.”

Being a nice dad to her little girl, the dad takes a rag, soaks it in some gasoline, and he rubs it on the backside of the dog to disguise the heat scent.

He tells her, “Ok, you can go now with Lulu around the block, but be careful.”

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later without a dog on the leash.  Surprised, the dad asks his little girl, “Where is Lulu?”

The little girl looks a bit confused as she states to her dad, “She ran out of gasoline about halfway around the block, so another dog is pushing her home!”

A Joke for Today. “A Drunk Almost Passes the Bar Test for Free Beer for Life.”

 A Joke for Today.  “A Drunk Almost Passes the Bar Test for Free Beer for Life.”

A man walks into a bar, and he sees a sign that says, “Free Beer for Life If You Can Pass Our Test!”

He walks over to the bartender and says, “I see that sign on the wall.  What is this test you have here to get free beer for life?”

The bartender says, “Well, first you gotta chug a gallon of pepper tequila.

Next, you have to go out back and pull the sore tooth out of our angry alligator.

Next, and finally, we have a girl upstairs who has never slept with a man; and you got to make things right with her.”

Laughing the man exclaims, “Well, that sounds like the stupidest test I have ever heard of!”

He leaves to get drunk with his friends.  Later that night, the man returns to the bartender absolutely hammered drunk.

He says to the bartender, “Ok bartender! Let me do that test!”

The bartender hands him a gallon of pepper tequila, and before he could warn him, the man starts chugging that pepper tequila down his throat.

Teary eyes and near the point of fainting, the man finishes the gallon of pepper tequila and slams the empty gallon jug on the counter.  Happy and drunk as hell.

Stunned, the bartender leads him to the back to the alligator.  A few minutes goes by, and after a bunch of screaming and clatter, the man stumbles back inside the bar.

His shirt is torn up, and his body is bleeding horribly and profusely, with cuts all over his body from the alligator.

He stares at the bartender and he says to him, “Ok, bartender, where is the girl with the sore tooth?”

A Joke for Today. “A Nun and 1,400 Men.”

 A Joke for Today. “A Nun and 1,400 Men.”

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they all are met by St. Peter.

He says to them, “Sister, you all led such wonderful lives that I’m granting you six months to back to earth and be anyone you want to be.”

The first nun says, “I want to be Sophia Loren.” and poof she is gone.

The second nun says, “I want to be Madonna.” and poof she is gone too.

The third nun says, I want to be Sara Pipalini.”

St. Peter looks perplexed. “Who?”

“Sars Pipalini.” she replies.

St. Peter shakes his head and says: “I’m sorry, but that name doesn’t ring a bell.”

Then the nun takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the newspaper and starts laughing.

“No sister, the paper says it was the ‘Sahara Pipeline’ that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months.”

A Joke for Today. “A New Hat and An Old Butt.”

 A Joke for Today. “A New Hat and An Old Butt.”

An very old woman is standing on a cruise ship, hold onto the rail, so she doesn’t fall over board.

She is also holding onto her hat tightly with the other hand because of the wind, so it doesn’t fall overboard into the water, and simply blow away onto the ocean’s waters.

A gentleman walks up to her and say, “Pardon me ma’am, I don’t mean to be rude, but did you know that your dress is blowing up into the wind?”

She turns her head around to see him with the response, “Yes, I know that, without letting go of her hat.”

“I need both hands to hold onto this hat and the rail.” she says to him.

He replies, “But ma’am,” the old man insists, blushing, “You are aren’t wearing any underwear, and your private parts are completely exposed!”

The very old lady looks down at her bottom, and she looks back at him and sighs, “Listen, mister. Anything down there is 85 years old. But I just bought this hat yesterday.”

A Joke for Today. "A Lady and Car Noise.”

 A Joke for Today.  "A Lady and Car Noise.”

A woman goes to a car repair garage because her car keeps making a strange noise.

The mechanic starts the engine.

Mechanic: “Hmm. ... He listens very carefully.

The woman says, “Is it serious?

Mechanic: I’m not sure yet.”

He opens up the hood, checks a few things, and then he gets underneath the car.  After about ten minutes, he comes back out from underneath the car.

The woman asks, “Well, is it serious?”

The mechanic wipes his hands off with some soap and water and says, “I found the problem.”

The woman replies, “How much will it cost?”

The mechanic looks at her and replies, “Nothing at all.”

The woman looks shocked, as she asks, “Nothing?

“Yep.” replies the mechanic.

‘Nothing?” asks the woman.

The mechanic says, “Yep.Woman asks, “So what was wrong?”

The mechanic points to towards the driver’s seat, as he states, “Your phone was sitting in the cup holder, and every time you turned left, it vibrated against the dashboard.”

The woman stares at him; and says out loud, “You’re telling me that I drove 40 minutes to a mechanic because my PHONE was making the noise?”

The mechanic nods, “Yes.”

She laughs awkwardly.  “Please, don’t tell my husband.”

The mechanic smiles at her as he replies, “Don’t worry.  I am a mechanic, not a divorce attorney!”

A Joke for Today. “To Fly in the Heavens or Pray like Hell.”

 A Joke for Today.  “To Fly in the Heavens or Pray like Hell.”

A young blonde pilot was in her first flying airplane lesson in a two-seater airplane, like a Cessna 152.

Her airplane instructor was explaining how to land the airplane in case of an emergency, when all of a sudden, he gets a heart attack and dies right there in the airplane next to her; to her amazement, of course.

So, of course, she calls it in, “May day!  May day! Help me! Help me! My airplane instructor just died, is dead and I don’t know how to fly or land the airplane. (Flying an airplane is easy.  Landing not so easy, esp. in windy and bad weather.)

She hears a voice over the radio saying, “This is Air Traffic control.  We hear you loud and clear.  I will talk you down to get you out of this; and get you back on the ground safely. ...

I have had a lot of experiences with this kind of problem.  Are you ready to follow my instructions?

Now, just take a very deep breath.  Everything will be just fine!  Give me your height and positions.”

The blonde replies, “I’m 5'7 and I am in the front seat.”

(After a very long pause.)

“OK. Says the voice on the radio ..... “Now repeat after me, ..... Our Father Who art in heaven,”

(Here is the full version below.)  The Lord's Prayer.

Our Father, who art in heaven,

Hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come,

Thy will be done,

On earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses,

As we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation,

But deliver us from evil.

For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever.

Amen.

A Joke for Today. ‘20 Years. Either - Or!’

A Joke for Today. ‘20 Years. Either - Or!’

A woman awakes in the middle of the night only to find her husband is not in bed with her. What he says to her when she finds him is absolutely hilarious.

A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find out that he is not in bed with her, so she puts on her night robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa with a pinch of liquor in front of him.

He appears to be in very deep thought, just staring at the wall.

“What is the matter, dear?” she whispers to him as she steps into the room. “Why are you down here at this time of night?”

The husband picks up his drink, and he says to her, “It is the 20th anniversary of the day we met.”

She cannot believe he has remembered continues, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating? I was 18 years old and you were only 15 years old when we started dating.” he said solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive to the memory. “Yes, I do.” She replies.

The husband pauses, the words not coming very easily. “Do you remember when your father caught us in the back of my car seat, fooling around?”

“Yes, I do remember that very special and fun moment.” said the wife, lowering herself into a leather chair next to him.

The husband continued, “Do you remembered when he shoved that shotgun in my face and yelled out at me, “Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison.”

With her eyes wide open, she replies, “Of course, I remember that moment. Dad was so mad his face was red like the devil's.”

The husband sighed as he wiped away another tear away from his cheek, as he stated, “I would have gotten out today!”

A Joke for Today. “The Rooster is Awaiting.”

 A Joke for Today.  “The Rooster is Awaiting.”

A very old, little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says to her, “Please come over here and help me.

I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can not figure out how to get it started.”

Her neighbor asks, “What is it supposed to be when it is finished?”

The old lady replies, “Well, according to the picture on the box, it is supposed to a rooster.”

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the old lady’s jigsaw puzzle.

The old lady lets her neighbor into her house and shows him where she has the puzzle set up and how it is spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box for a moment.  Then he looks at the box, and he turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we are not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”

He takes her by the hand and says,

“Secondly, I want you to relax,” and he says, “Let us have a nice cup of tea,” and then, he says with a very deep sigh, he continues, “Let us put all of the Corn Flakes back into the box.”

As with a few swipes of his hand, he pushed the Corn Flakes back into the cereal box.

So much for a puzzle of a rooster!

A Joke for Today. “Someone Needs a New Lawnmower.”

 A Joke for Today.  “Someone Needs a New Lawnmower.” 

At a neighborhood yard sale down the street, Grandpa Earl is inspecting an old, rusted out lawn mower while Grandms Barb hovers over a table of costume jewelry.

Grandpa Earl says to Barb, “Look at this antique Briggs & Stratton lawnmower! The owner wants $15 for it.  I bet I can talk him down to $3 and a half-pack of mints for it.”

Grandma Barb replies, “Earl, that is not a yard sale item.  That is the owner’s actual lawnmower. He was just mowing the grass, and he went inside to use the bathroom.”

Grandpa Earl says to her, “Nonsense, Barb!  It is sitting on the grass near the driveway with everything else.  Everything on the grass is fair game!”

So, Earl pulls out of his pocket three old, crumpled one-dollar bills and leaves them on the table next to the lawnmower.

Grandma Barb yells out, “Earl, he left the engine running.”

Grandpa Earl replies to her, “That just means it is pre-heated, Barb.  It is a bonus feature.”

Earl grabs the lawnmower’s handles, and he starts pushing the running lawnmower down the street on the sidewalk towards his own house.

The neighbor sees what is happening from his window and jumps out the front door of his house with a sandwich in his hand yelling out loud, “HEY!  SIR! THAT IS MY LAWNMOWER. IT IS NOT FOR SALE.”

Grandma Barb turns her head over her shoulder towards the neighbor and yells back to him, as she trots behind Earl;

“NO REFUNDS, STEVE! ALL SALES ARE FINAL!  TAKE IT UP WITH OUR LAWYER!”

A Joke for Today. “Walking Home from School.”

A Joke for Today.  “Walking Home from School.”

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood and who were celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary.

They walked down the street to their old school.

There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they had shared and where he had carved the words, “I love you, Sally.”

On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car practically at their feet.

She quickly picks it up, but they don’t know what to do with it so they take it home.

There, she counts the money, and it is fify-thousand dollars.

The husband says to her, “We have to give it back.”

She replies, “Finders Keepers.” as she puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic.

The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and then they show up at their home.

They knock on their front door and say, “Pardon us, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?”

The wife says, “NO!”

The husband says, “She is lying.  She hid it up in the attic.”

She says, “Don’t believe him, he is getting senile.”

But the agents sit the man down and began to question him.

One FBI agent says to the husband, “Tell us the story from the beginning.”

The old man says, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ... “

One FBI agent looks at the other FBI agent and says, “Let us get out of here!”

A Joke for Today. “That Poor Old Grandmother.”

A Joke for Today.  “That Poor Old Grandmother.”

A husband and a wife were all dressed up and ready for a lovely evening out - dinner and a show.

Having been burglarized before, they left a light on and put the cat out in the backyard.

When the Uber arrived, they stepped outside, ... but their chunky cat slipped back into the house and ran upstairs.

Since the cat loves chasing the parakeet, the husband ran back inside to grab the cat and put her back outside.

Not wanting the driver to think the house would be empty all night, the wife said to the Uber driver, “My husband is saying good-night to my mother.”

A few minutes later, the husband jumped back into the car, all flustered, out of breath, and a bit hugging and puffing.

He said, “Sorry that took so long, but that stupid old girl was hiding under the bed, so I had to poke her with a stick, and then a coat hanger to get her out from under the bed. Then, she tried to run, so I grabbed her, wrapped a blanket around her so she would not scratch me like she did the last time.”

“I then dragged her downstairs and tossed her into the backyard.  She better not crap in the vegetable garden again.”

The silence in the Uber was deafening, as the wife looked in the mirror to glance at the expression on the Uber driver’s face, holding back her own laughter.

A Joke for Today. ‘The Pharmacist!’

 A Joke for Today.  ‘The Pharmacist!’

A young man walked into a neighborhood pharmacy to pick up some condoms.

The pharmacist behind the counter explained, “They come in pack of 3,9, or12.  Which size would you like them in today?”

The young guy puffed out his chest and smiled smugly, “Well, I have been dating this gorgeous girl for a couple of months now, and tonight is the big night.  I am having dinner with her parents first, and then we’re hitting the town later.  I got this great feeling I am getting lucky tonight, and frankly, once she gets a taste of me, she won’t be able to get enough of it.  So, better make it a 12 pack.”

He paid for his purchase and then he swaggered out the door.

The evening, when he arrived at his girlfriend’s home, he took a seat at the dining room table across from her parents.  Before eating, he politely volunteered to say grace over the meal.  The parents gladly bowed their heads to pray for their blessings.

The young man closed his eyes, clutched his hands tightly together, and he began praying.

Five minutes went by, ... then ten minutes went by.  He kept praying and praying, with his head so low his forehead was nearly resting on the tablecloth, as he was sweating bullets.

Finally, the girlfriend leaned in very close to him and she whispered under her breath, “Sweatheart, you never told me you were such a devout religious man!”

Without lifting his head a single inch, he whispered back.

“You never told me that your dad was the pharmacist!”

A Joke for Today. ‘The Super Jerk!’

 A Joke for Today.  ‘The Super Jerk!’

A guy walks into a towering rooftop bar and he immediately orders a drink.

He then notices a guy next to him, who casually takes a shot, and then he sprints to the edge of the building, and he jumps off the building.

The first guy watches in horror, but ten minutes later, the jumper casually walks back into the bar, completely unharmed.

Astonished, the first guy asks the jumper, “How did you do that!?”

The jumper smiles, “It’s the magic of this building.  If you take a shot of tequila, the updraft from the street below is so strong that is slows your free-fall so you can land upright on your feet.  You just float down gently to the sidewalk.”

Skeptical, but very intrigued, the guy orders a shot of tequila, slams it down his throat, runs to the edge of the building, and leaps off the building, free as a bird.

He plummets twenty stories and rapidly smashes into the pavement below; you know, not complete anymore.

The bartender shakes his head, walks slowly over to the edge of the building, and looks down at the jumper; and he sighs.

“You know, Superman, you’re a real jerk when you are drunk.”

A Joke for Today. ‘The Professional.’

 A Joke for Today.  ‘The Professional.’

An elderly woman rushed to the pharmacy to pick up some medication, but when she returned to her car, she realized she had locked her keys inside her car.

Looking around, she spotted an old rusty coat hanger on the ground.  She picked it up and she whispered, “Lord, I have no idea how to use this coat hanger on my car to get it unlock.”

So she bowed her head and prayed, “Please, God, send me someone to help me.”

Just minutes later, a beat-up old motorcycle pulled into the parking lot.  A bearded old man in a biker skull helmet got off and asked her, “Need some help, ma’am?”

She explained, “My daughter is sick, and I have locked myself out of my car by locking my keys inside the car.  But I need to get home as soon as possible.  Can you help me by using this coat hanger to unlock and open my car door?”

The biker smiled and said, “Sure.”  In less than a minute, her car was unlocked.

Overcome with emotion, she hugged the man and cried, “Thank you, God, for sending me such a kind man!”

The biker chuckled and said, “Lady, I’m not a good man.  I just out of prison yesterday, ... for car theft.”  (Or grand theft auto)

The woman hugged him even tighter and sobbed, “Oh, thank you God, ... you sent me a professional!”

A Joke for Today. “A Horse Ticket and a Frying Pan.”

 A Joke for Today.  “A Horse Ticket and a Frying Pan.”

A man was relaxing in his favorite living room armchair, reading his favorite evening paper, when his wife all of a sudden stormed into the room, and smacked him over the head with a heavy frying pan.

“Ouch!” He yelled out, rubbing the sore bump.  “What was the for?” he asked her.

She held up up a crumpled white piece of crumpled paper as a note with a furious glare.

“I found this in your pocket with the name ‘Mary Lou’ on it, with a phone number on it too.

The husband chuckled and shook his head sideways.

“Honey, you’ve got it all wrong!  And that was just the ticket details.”

Embarrassed, his wife apologized profusely.

Three day later, he was reading his favorite evening newspaper again in the same living room chair, when she snunk up behind him and she knocked him flat again with a bigger, massive cast-iron skillet.

Dazed, he groaned, “What was the for?!”

She glared down at him and said, “Your horse just called!”

A Joke for Today. “Where is the Money?”

 A Joke for Today.  “Where is the Money?”

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheater him out of $10,000,000.

Not good at all!

His bookkeeper is deaf and dumb.  That was the reason he got the job in the first place is because it was assumed that Guido would hear nothing, so he could never testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10,000,000, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him where the money is!”

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, “Where is the money?”

Guido signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido’s head and says, “Ask him again or I will kill him!”

The lawyer signs to Guido, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him.”

Guido trembles and signs, “OK! You win!  The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno’s house.”

The Godfather asks the lawyer, “What did he say?”

The lawyer replies, “He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger!”

A Joke for Today. “Which Lottery was Won?”

 A Joke for Today.  “Which Lottery was Won?”

An older married couple is sitting on the couch watching TV in complete silence.

Suddenly, the husband turns to his wife and he asks her, “Honey, if I died tomorrow, would you remarry?”

The wife thinks for a long second and replies, “Well, I would live alone, I hate cooking just for myself. And honestly, having a man around to handle the heavy lifting, fix the leaky sink, and pay half the bills is pretty practical.

So, yeah, I probably would remarry eventually.

She turns to him and asks, “What about you?  If I died, would you remarry?”

The husband shrugs and says, "Probably not.  I mean once you’ve won the lottery, you don’t usually go stand in line to buy another ticket.”

The wife just stared at him in absolute silence.

A Joke for Today. A Bridge to Hawaii.

 A Joke for Today.  "A Bridge to Hawaii."

A man was walking along a beach, deep in prayer, when he suddenly said out loud, “Lord, grant me one wish.”

A voice boomed from above, “Because you have been faithful, I will grant you one wish.”

The man said, “Build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive there anytime I want.”

The Lord replied, “That is a bit much ... think of all of the engineering, the materials, the miles of ocean.  I could do, but it is a lot to ask for.  Ask for something else.”

So, the man went into deep thought for a while.

Then he said, “Okay. I want to understand women.  What they feel, what they think, why they say, ‘nothing when there is something wrong ... and how to make them truly happy!”

There was a very long pause from the Lord.

Then the Lord said, “So ... about this bridge.  Do you want two or four lanes?”

A Joke for Today. “Where is the Hat?”

 A Joke for Today.  “Where is the Hat?”

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him.

Murphy had never been seen in church his whole life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, “Murphy, I am so glad you decided to come to Mass.  What made you decide to join us this fine Sunday morning?”

Murphy said, “I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced my hat and I really, really love that hat. And I know that McGlynn had the same hat as my hat; and knew that McGlynn came to church every Sunday.

I also knew that McGlynn had to take his hat off during the Mass and I figured that he would leave it in the back of the church; so, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”

The priest said, “Well, Murphy, I notice that you did not steal McGlynn’s hat.  What changed your mind?”

Murphy said, “Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat after all.”

The priest gave Murphy a big wide smile and said; “After I talked about the Commandments, ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal.’ you decided you would rather do without your hat instead of burning in hell for eternity. Right?”

Murphy shook his head and said, “No, Father. It was after you talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, I remembered where I left my hat."