A Joke for Today. “How Much is a Wife Worth?”

 A Joke for Today.  “How Much is a Wife Worth?”

A newly married couple, John and Karen, were walking along the beach during their honeymoon.

Suddenly, John tripped over an old, dusty oil lamp.

He picked it up, rubbed it, and POOF! A magical Genie appeared in a cloud of smoke.

The Genie smile and said, “Thank you for freeing me! I can grant you three wishes. However, because you are newlyweds, there is a special marriage rule: Whatever you wish for, your wife will get ten times (10) times more!

John looked at Karen, smiled, and said, “That is OK.  That is just wonderful! She is my wife, I love her, and I don’t mind sharing.”

For his first wish, John said, Genie, I want to be the richest man in the world. I want 100,00,000 dollars in my bank account.”  (In yesteryear’s dollars of course.)

Genie snapped his fingers. “Done! You have 100 million in your bank account.  But remember, your wife now has 1 billion dollars in her bank account!”

John smiled, “That is perfectly fine with me. What is mine is hers, and what is hers is mine.”

For his second wish, John said, “Genie, I want a fleet of the most luxurious sports cars in the world. A Ferrari, a Lamborghini, and a Rolls Royce!”

The Genie snapped his fingers again. “Done! You have 3 luxury cars, but your wife has now has 30 luxury cars as well, along with a massive garage.”

John nodded happily, “No problem at all! We can all go on road trips together.”

Then, the Genie looked at John very seriously. “Now, think very hard and carefully, young man. This is your third and final wish.  Remember the rule” whatever you get, your wife gets ten times more, as in (10x) as more.”

John closed his eyes, thought for a very long moment, and then he smirked.  He looked at the Genie and said:

“Genie, for my last wish ... please give me a mild, non-fatal heart attack.”

The Genie froze. Karen’s jaw dropped in absolute horror, and John lived happily ever after, as a very, very wealthy bachelor.

A Joke for Today. “Who are the Fallen?”

 A Joke for Today.  “Who are the Fallen?”

There’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to committing adultery.

One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confessing to committing adultery, I’ll quit!”

Well, everyone like him, so they came up with a code word.

Someone who had committed adultery would say the word, ‘Fallen.’ instead of the word adultery.

This seemed to satisfy the old priest, and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age of 92 years old.

About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town because he was very concerned about something weird happening in town.

The priest said, “You have to do something about the sidewalks in this town.

When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about being, ‘fallen.’

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain about the code word, the priest shook his head and with an accusing finger at the mayor said,

“I don’t know what you are laughing about, because your wife fell down three times this week.”

A Joke for today. "Learn how to pronounce words."

 A Joke for today.  "Learn how to pronounce words."

During the service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for prayers, which had been answered.

A lady stood up and came forward.  She said, "I have a reason to praise the Lord."

"Two months ago, my husband Jim, had a very terrible bicycle wreak and his scrotum was completely crushed.  The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced.  She continued, "Jim was unable to hold me or the children, and every move caused him terrible pain."

"We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation."

"They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it back in place."

Again, the men if the congregation squirmed uncomfortable as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim.

She continued, "Now Jim is out of the hospital and the doctors say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely."  All of the men sighed with relief.

The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had anything to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I am Jim and I would like to tell everyone including my wife, the word is "sternum."

A Joke for today. "A Night Not to be Forgotten!"

 A Joke for today. "A Night Not to be Forgotten!"

A Couple wants to enjoy their very first night together, but they never expected this.

Fred and Mary got married, but they can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parents' home for their very first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, get up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out the door to go to school, he asks his mother if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No."

Johnny asks her, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, I don't want to hear what you think, so go to school.

Johnny comes home from school for lunch and he asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think. Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, ""Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says, "NO."

He asks again, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Ok, tell me what you think?"

He says, "Last night Fred came into my bedroom for the Vaseline, and I think I gave him my airplane's SUPER GLUE."

RAINBOW. 8.28.2026. 7.45.2026.

 

SUNSET 8.27.2026

 A Most Remarkable and Beautiful Sunset I have ever seen in person. And I have seen thousands of them over the years. The picture doesn't do it justice.

Of course, the scene was much wider than my picture, but I wanted a close up for to get the colors, but of course, it all depends on the camera, too. I think I might start carrying a real camera with me from now on. The crazy thing is I had just started reading a book titled, "Reductionism in Art and Brain Science."" By Eric R. KANDEL.

A Joke for today. "Who believes in Genies?"

 A Joke for today.  "Who believes in Genies?"

A Husband and wife were playing golf together.

On the third hole, the husband hit a terrible shot that went straight through the window of a very expensive house nearby.

They went to the house to apologize, and they found a broken antique vase on the floor.

A man was sitting there and said, "Thank you for breaking that vase!  I am a Genie who was trapped inside it for 1,000 years. 

I will grant you three wishes, but I get one wish for myself."

The husband excitedly asked for a million dollars a year and a mansion in every country.

The Genie granted the wishes and then asked for his own wish.

"I just want to spend one night with your beautiful wife."

After the Genie and wife were done, the Genie asked the wife, "How old is your husband?"

She said, "He is 55 years old."

The Genie laughed and said to her.

"And he still believes in Genies?"

A Joke for today. An Old Lady is Asked.

 A Joke for today.  An Old Lady is Asked.

The preacher's Sunday's sermon was, "Forgive your Enemies.

He asked, how many of the congregation have forgiven their enemies?

About half held up their hands.

He then repeated his question once more.

Now about 80 % help up their hands.

He then repeated his question once more.

All responded, except one elderly old lady.

"Mrs. Johnson, are not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any enemies."

Mrs. Johnson, that is very unusual. How old are you?

"Ninety-three, she replied.

"Mrs. Johnson, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the entire world at 93 years old."

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle and she said, ...

"I outlived every one of those bitches."

A Joke for today. "Who is Afraid of Satan?"

 A Joke for today.   "Who is Afraid of Satan?"

Just before Sunday service began, Satan suddenly appeared at the front of the church.

The congregation screamed and rushed for the exits, leaving only one elderly man sitting in his pew.

Satan walked over and asked him, "Don't you know who I am?

"Sure do," the old man replied.

"And you aren't afraid of me?" 

'Nope." replied the old man.

Satan frowned. "You know I could destroy you... and make you suffer forever?"

"I don't doubt it."

Now, completely confused, Satan demanded, "Then why aren't you afraid of me?"

The old man smiled at Satan, "Because I have been married to your sister for the last 48 year!"

A Joke for Today. The Bathtub Test.

 A Joke for Today. The Bathtub Test.

During a visit to a mental asylum, I asked the director, "How do you determine whether or not a person or patient should be institutionalized."

"Well." Said the director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient, and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand." I said.

"A normal person or patient would use the bucket because it is bigger than the teaspoon, and the teacup."

"No." said the director.

"A normal person or patient would pull the bath plug. Do you want a bed next to the window?"

A Joke for Today. Too Many Drinks! And a Bus Ride Home.

A Joke for the Day. Too Many Drinks! And a Bus Ride Home.

Last night, I was out for a few drinks and a meal. One thing led to another, and I had a few too many beers and then went onto the wine, finishing with coffee and brandy. It's not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car and took a bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint, where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyser tests. Because I was in a bus, they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I’ve never driven a bus before, and I am not even sure where I got it from. Now it’s parked outside my house and I don’t know what to do with it! George

A Joke for today. Two guys at a bar sharing a drink.

 A Joke for today.  Two guys at a bar sharing a drink.

A man was sitting at a bar, staring at his drink, when a large, trouble-making biker stepped up beside him, grabbed his drink and gulped it down.

The biker asked, "Well, whatcha gonna do about that?"

The man suddenly burst into tears and said:

"I'm a complete failure. I got fired today, my car was stolen, I left my wallet in the cab I took home, I found my wife with another man, and my dog bit me.

So, I came here to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I bought a drink, dropped a capsule in it, and sat here watching the poison dissolve. Then you show up and drink it.

But what the hell ... enough about me. "How are you doing?"

AN ESSAY: Take PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY, FOR YOUR DECISIONS. 8/19/2026. By: George Patnoe.

AN ESSAY: TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY, FOR YOUR DECISIONS.

8/19/2026

By: George Patnoe. 

A Lesson about Personal Responsibility, FOR YOUR DECISIONS.

I was sitting on a downtown bench with my parrot on my shoulder. I was enjoying the moment when a 20-something year old male walked up to me, and he started talking openly to me about his life.

He starts explaining how he just got out of prison that day for defending himself in a violent fight. That is it how the conversation started.

Then he explains how he got 42 certificates in various topics in 2 years, which is why they let him out of prison. I am thinking good for him. If that was true, it is surely impressive. Even if they were only certificates.

He tells me how he needs to find a job and how he is staying with his brother. Lucky him, I am thinking as I feed my parrot a peanut butter cracker that he surely loves to eat after his tough job of staying on my shoulder during the 20-minute semi jog to the bench.

The guy tells me a few other facts about himself, but what I was reading about him was his body language and his facial expressions. They were a little off compared to the countless other people I had countless conversations with when I was downtown when people were interested in my parrot.

I couldn't tell if he was on drugs either for fun or medical reasons, but I was ready for any sudden movement towards me and my beloved parrot whom I would protect in ways you can't imagine.

But if he wasn't on drugs, I was thinking to myself, then something was probably wrong with him psychologically.

I told him his plan should be to stay out of prison, which seemed obvious enough, especially to him, I was guessing.

I asked him what his plans were for the immediate future besides looking for a job.

He blurted out of his mouth. I am going to depend on God. Well. That touched a nerve with me because even though there is nothing wrong with depending on God in the correct context, that could lead to a false sense of hopefulness but at least he was headed in the correct direction I thought to myself.

So, I replied. Probably too loudly. Remember to take personal responsibility for your actions.

His eyes widen, and his facial expression changed. Which meant I didn't know what was going to happen next because something was a little off about the guy.

He says. What?

I said. You have to take personal responsibility for your decisions from here on out. If someone tries to fight you.

Walk away no matter what. Because he had precisely stated to me, he had fought to defend himself, which is how he got into prison in the first place.

He is standing up, and I am still sitting down. So, I stand up just so I can defend myself if he goes crazy for some reason. After all. My main goal was to protect my feathered buddy on my shoulder.

So, he says I am going to depend on God.

Now that I am on my feet, and body is ready for anything he might surprise me with. I reply. That is fine and good, but you still have to take personal responsibility for actions, which means don't blame God for your bad decisions.

He is staring at me like just maybe this was the advice he needed on his very first day out of prison. Which it was even if he didn't like my advice which seemed as if he actually didn't like that advice.

Many people don't like taking personal responsibility for their decisions whether it is getting drunk or smoking pot or driving drunk or too fast or both. Or killing someone in a car accident which could have been avoided if there was no drinking involved and the speed was legal.

I looked at him, wondering if he knew he who he was actually talking to in the first place on his first day out of prison. Of course, he didn't nor could he guess either for various reasons. But that was ok.

But I am thinking to myself he should take that advice just as if it was straight out of the mouth of God itself just for the sake of his future.

He slowly started to walk away as I started to walk down towards the river. I felt good about our conversation.  I hope he remembers those words. Take Personal Responsibility for your decisions. For the rest of his long life, hopefully. He seemed like a nice guy who studied for his two years in prison which is why they let him out two years early.

I really wish the guy well with a good future.

But if I ever see him again. I am going to remind him of those words again. Take Personal responsibility, FOR YOUR DECISIONS!

An afterthought.  Do you know what is really amazing? This guy told me that he was going to take my advice with a grain of salt. I think my advice to him is worth more than a grain of salt.  Don't you?

AI Cartoon of me and 133 drawing.

 

An Essay. 8/16/2026

 There are crackers and cookies for my parrots at the Dollar Tree stores that I can't buy at liras. So whenever I drive out of town, I take a quick trip and walk into a Dollar Tree store to spend 30 to 50 bucks on crackers and cookies for my parrots.

I am not trapped into thinking I have to shop at only one store in town named liras.

Some people in RV think that they are obligated to shop at only only store named liras like they go to only one church in town. Of course, most people usually only go to one church, and some people read more than one translation of the Bible to learn more than one translation and meanings of the words and events of the times within a historical context just because it is interesting to them.

What is really crazy in the news is the newly discovered details of the pyramids. And the newly released details of the possible UFO and aliens or creatures from other realms of existence. OR more precisely from other space-time dimensions.

Some educated people believe that the pyramids were built by the Egyptians, but other educated people that the Egyptians simply inherited the pyramids from previous civilizations.

And now there is more and more evidence that there really are space ships flying around in the sky above planet earth that can travel faster than any human-made fighter jet.

So, the questions that arise from the two different aspects are these. If there were non-human and human civilizations long before the Bible was written and if there are alien space ships and their alien civilizations that existed even longer than those civilizations that weren't human.

Then those two possibilities would turn religious thought and belief symbols upside down in a matter of hundreds of heartbeats.

Because the 7 days of creation in the first chapter of the Genesis would be proven to mean something completely different than a literal interpretation that there is a God that created everything in just 7 days which is so freaking ridiculous and stupid because there weren't 7 days in the so-called beginning in the first place.

Therefore. As people drive around in their cars and trucks on the open highways of California's beautiful county side to shop for food or whatever.

Don't forget to look in the sky because you might see an alien space ship or two if you are lucky. But here is the thing. I probably have seen more real life (supposedly) pictures of again supposedly alien creatures than the people ready this essay.

Where did they go to shop for food. Did they even need food. Or were their bodies just some sort of futuristic machines that didn't need food, so they didn't need to shop for food in stores around the galaxy.

So have fun going to your churches as you ponder those issues and questions. But a bigger question might be. What did the Egyptians and aliens think about God. Because if there is one God. It would have to be the God of the Egyptians and the aliens too.

Well. The responses should be fun to read. Just remember. I know more about the Bible and God than you do.

Angel

 

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